Does anybody out there like Creed? I wish to send my deepest condolences to anyone who answered “yes” to that question for two reasons.
1. Creed is absolutely awful. By listening to Creed, the person proves that he or she has made a conscious decision to listen to the worst music possible, thereby calling into serious question the judgment of said person. In fact, it is my belief that the U.S. justice system would be better off if defendants could be found not guilty for reason they listen to Creed, which really goes hand-in-hand with temporary insanity.
2. Creed have been forced to cancel their current tour because lead bozo Scott Stapp was injured in a car accident on April 29 and was “advised by medical professionals to make this regrettable, but necessary decision as he recuperates.”
Don’t worry, Creed fans. Stapp’s gorgeously chiseled features and divine singing voice weren’t affected by the accident, and the band plans on rescheduling the canceled dates for this summer. Too bad.
Hey ladies! Are you under 18? Have you had sex with R&B superstar R. Kelly? If the answer to these questions is “yes,” then you may have just won thousands of dollars!

Join the ever-growing list of minors who have allegedly had sex with and subsequently sued the author of “I Believe I Can Fly!” In 1998, Kelly settled with Tiffany Hawkins, who claimed that she was induced into group sex with the singer at the tender age of 15. The reported settlement: $250,000. Just this April, Kelly settled with another young (17 years old, to be exact) woman for similar reasons.
And just this week, another suit was brought against R. “Bump and Grind” Kelly by yet another young woman, Patrice Jones. Jones claims that not only did she have sex with Kelly several times at the innocent age of 16, but he also coerced her into having an abortion. The nerve, R! The nerve!
Kelly’s lawyer released a statement saying that the suit was a “collection of half-truths, distortions, and outright lies,” but I think R. just happens to be a generous guy that’s getting taken advantage of. I mean, he’s just spreading the love… right?
By now, everybody knows about the sad and untimely death of TLC’s Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes last week in a Honduras car accident. However, there’s been a bizarre twist in the story. It turns out that just three weeks ago, also in Honduras, Lopes was a passenger in a car driven by her assistant Stephanie Patterson. During the drive, a 10-year-old boy jumped out in front of the car and was killed.
Lopes and Patterson took the boy to the hospital, where he died from his injuries. Lopes footed the hospital bill. In light of the incident, Patterson has stated that Lopes remained calm and that “she truly believes in karma and everything happens for a reason.” Apparently more so than she knew.
And finally, there’s great news for Pixies fans everywhere. Way back in 1987, the best band ever (the Pixies, in case you were wondering) recorded a demo in order to land a record deal. As legend has it, the head of 4AD records was so impressed that he released eight of the tracks as “Come On Pilgrim,” the first Pixies album (well, it’s an EP, but you get the idea).
Shockingly, there were nine more tracks from the so-called “Purple Tape” that didn’t make the cut. These tracks included “Broken Face” (later re-recorded for “Surfer Rosa” ) and “Subbacultcha” (which didn’t get re-recorded until “Trompe le Monde,” the band’s final album).
Here’s the news: The legendary “Purple Tape” is being officially released on July 9. Really, this is one of the most exciting bits of news that I’ve come across in a long while. Let the countdown begin.