Are you ready for some Fife ball?
The annual Oregon spring game is really Jason Fife’s game. Has been for three years. Inevitably, Fife will throw for a billion yards and hundreds of touchdowns Saturday, he’ll ex-or-ciiiiise the demons and he’ll win the starting job back for next fall.
So basically, wake me at next year’s Goober.com Bowl after the Ducks lose to Wichita State.
It’s a sad little dance really. At last year’s spring game, he missed only three of 15 passes, connected for four touchdowns and threw for 143 yards. In Oregon’s first six games in the fall, which were really just five glorified spring games plus UCLA, he looked great. Fife mullets popped up around
Eugene.
But in the second half of the season, Fife turned south like a bird in winter. His receivers suddenly needed go-go-Gadget arms to catch his passes. His spirals turned into wobbles. Touchdowns turned to tips.
You could almost read Keenan Howry’s thoughts.
If this guy throws one more ball 10 yards in front of me, I’m gonna take this football back to the huddle and shove it up his nostril.
Fife just gets scalded in the pressure-cooker. He’s a very good quarterback and a great guy — I’d rather spend 10 hours kickin’ it with Fife than 10 minutes listening to Joey Harrington play jazz piano.
But when it comes to crunch time, Fife is more chewy and soft than crunchy. Harrington played better when he was challenged, and the Ducks need a quarterback like that for next year because they’ll be challenged early and often. Oregon opens at Mississippi State, then has two games before Michigan comes to town and another seven days to prepare for Washington State. Eeesh. No spring games on that schedule.
What we need to do with Jason Fife is rebuild him, like the Six Million Dollar Man. We can do that, right? Didn’t the Autzen expansion include a vault for cryogenically frozen DNA? I’m pretty sure it’s right behind the “Coach Bellotti’s Barbeque” stand.
Here’s what we do. Go to the “quarterbacks” section of the vault and start pulling traits from former Oregon signal-callers. Keep Fife’s smarts intact, but give him Harrington’s mojo — is there a better way to describe how Golden Boy won so many games? Harrington winning games is exactly like Austin Powers getting women. It’s unexplainable; it’s just the mojo. Baby.
Fife’s got pretty fleet feet, but we’ll give him Akili Smith’s legs. Give him A.J. Feeley’s cannon-arm and Dan Fouts’ perseverance.
We can rebuild him… we have the power.
The only positive in the Jason Fife situation is Samie Parker. For some reason, Fife was able to find Parker’s No. 1 on the field more often than any other receiver last season. Long passes, short ones, whatever. Parker caught nine more passes for three more touchdowns than any other receiver last season.
Other receivers needed go-go-Gadget arms to catch Fife’s passes.
Maybe that’s why Kellen Clemens could win the starting spot from Fife. He isn’t afraid to throw through traffic that would make Seattle commuters blush. Fife only threw 10 picks in 13 games last season; Clemens threw one on his very first pass in the Washington game.
Who knew that could be a good thing?
So as the Spring Game unfolds Saturday, think about Clemens. Think about Fife. Think about the fact that it’s only spring football. And hope that fall brings a Six Million Dollar Quarterback.