I live for the “Women Tell All” episode.
It’s by far the most awkward night of the season — mostly due to the fact that they’re served zero alcohol (*cough* why Tara repeated “0.00” the whole night).
Down to just the two final contestants, the bachelor and the previously eliminated women gathered in front of a live audience to take turns in the hot seat.
This is also the night that our bachelor, Chris Soules, has likely been dreading. He sat in front of every woman he dumped and braved the emotionally-charged question of, “Why?”
Leave it to Britt to begin the tidal wave of tears at promptly 8:16 p.m. (I checked), reminding us all that this was going to be one hell of a night.
As if our blood pressure wasn’t high enough, the first hour of “Women Tell All” consisted mostly of 28 women yelling over each other, ringing their spray-tanned hands and being unnecessarily passive-aggressive. Bickering rivals from the past battled it out and used the audience’s cheers as the real referees of the night.
Things finally simmered down when the comedic Ashley S. was brought to the stage to talk with the host. After replaying some of her most bizarre clips, Chris Harrison asked Ashley S. if she would join The Bachelor in the Paradise spin-off show this summer, which is ABC’s version of The Real World. Her response? “We’re like…on TV.”
After what felt like over an hour and a half, the infamous Prince Farming, whose name is now said with no more than a forced grin, entered the stage — shaking like hell in his cowboy boots.
Britt was crying, again, before she even finished the round of applause.
A few of the recently eliminated girls got their chance to speak to Chris one-on-one, in front of a studio audience.
Britt repeated herself, claiming that she was not fake, and that Carly started the rumors and she really did want to move to Iowa — because everyone totally wants to move to Iowa now.
Jade (poor, poor Jade), looked for the answer she wanted to hear, but Chris continued to deny that he dumped her because she posed for Playboy.
Lastly, Kaitlyn, calm as could be and all in white, could not have been more straight-forward about why her elimination was purely out of the blue. Chris babbled on about his confusion of being in love with three women at the same time, and her continuous stare was almost like a figurative *mic drop.* (#KaitlynForBachelorette)
Yet, instead of announcing whom our next Bachelorette would be, Chris Harrison decided to take the last two minutes of the show to promote his new book.
Will it be Whitney or Becca? The drama continues, next Monday for the three-hour season finale on ABC.
Some Tweets for your enjoyment:
Chris asks Ashley S if she’ll be on #BachelorinParadise. Kelsey jumps up screaming, “but my story is amazing!” #theBachelor
— Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) March 3, 2015
If Ashley S isn’t in #Paradise I may not show #TheWomenTellAll
— Chris Harrison (@chrisbharrison) March 3, 2015
Welcome to the hot seat @C_Soules
