“Hello” is a simple word that can lead to interesting conversations, new friends or heated debates. It can also serve no higher purpose than to just put a smile on an individual’s face. It is a universal greeting that generally means the same thing around the globe.
Americans in particular have an odd habit of using the phrase, “Hi, how are you?” as an extended hello. For example, recall a moment when you walked to class and noticed a good friend or acquaintance. Upon walking by each other, the “Hi, how are you?” and “I’m good, you?” “Good, thanks,” probably dictated the extent of the conversation. I find myself exchanging those ridiculous words on a daily basis.
When did, “How are you?” became another greeting? It is a question directed toward a person’s state of being or emotional state. In asking that phrase, you are implying that you care about someone else and their feelings in that moment. Nonetheless, because it has become nothing more than an extended “hello”, that expression is gradually losing its meaning.
It has become weird for an individual to answer that question truthfully. “Hi, how are you?” “Oh gosh, you know the other day my friend…” — that doesn’t happen anymore and if it does, people view it as strange. We don’t truly want to know how you are. We were just saying that because it’s polite or the normal thing to do.
I don’t completely understand why we feel awkward answering that question or asking it with meaning. I know that many of us find ourselves thinking of our to-do lists or next homework assignment if someone does choose to stop in their tracks and initiate a brief conversation. We have turned a phrase that is meant to show care and compassion toward one another into something that just takes up more of our time.
“Hi, how are you?” is a way for us to act like we truly care. Sadly, on many occasions, I believe we all secretly hope no one actually answers the question. It’s simply become a filler to prevent silence. It’s a cushion to provide comfort to our acquaintances without really giving them a pillow. In a way, we are all lying to each other. How many times have we answered with, “good!” when truthfully, you just received a bad grade? Often, our minds aren’t present when we say, “Hi, how are you?” — The art of conversation has become robotic.
Recently, a friend mentioned an interesting focus technique. For a few short minutes I take a walk and acknowledge each thought that enters my brain and I let it go. Then, I turn around and as I walk back to my original destination, I focus on any sound, smell or activity that is happening at the present time. For example, on many occasions I hear the sound of a bike tire against the blacktop, smell freshly mowed grass or simply wonder about how each step I take feels against the bottom of my foot.
By the time I stop walking, I’m not thinking about homework, money or my future career because I am thinking about “now.” For at least a few moments, my body is in tune with the current rhythm and pace of life. I am not trying to beat it to the next item on my to-do list. On the rare occasion that somebody does walk by me, whether it be friend or stranger, I look them in the eye and say, “Hi, how are you?” and I truly care about what they may say.
I challenge each of you, and myself, to say, “Hi, how are you?” meaningfully. Conversation is an art and should be practiced mindfully. Furthermore, when someone says that expression to you, I dare you to answer truthfully, from the heart, and possibly spark a new and lively discussion.