With the recent success of Ang Lee’s blockbuster “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” we decided to revisit one of the earlier martial arts epics, “Big Trouble in Little China.” This is a movie that affirms the widely known fact that all Chinese people know martial arts and are engaged in gang wars with deep spiritual and religious motives. It also answers the age old question: What happens when you throw a redneck, brazen truck driver (basically the stereotypical male that every other culture pictures) in the middle of such a war? Of course, he saves the day.
Who could be more perfect to play this feller than Kurt Russell? If anyone is planning on seeing the upcoming “3000 Miles to Graceland,” “Big Trouble in Little China” is definitely a prerequisite. Russell plays Jack Burton, a truck driver who has stopped to see his friend Wang in Chinatown, San Francisco. When Wang’s fiancee is stolen by the “Lords of Death,” he ends up involved in the war between two ancient Chinese clans, the Chang Sing and the Wing Kong. You can tell that the Chang Sing are good because they wear yellow turbans and the Wing Kong are bad because they wear red turbans.
Mason — It’s so simple.
Rebecca — Yes, it is. Yes it is.
Anyway, the Wing Kong are being controlled by the evil Lo Pan, a man who has been cursed for more than 2000 years to be “of no flesh.” He has been searching for a girl with green eyes to repeal the curse. Wouldn’t you know it, Wang’s fiancee has green eyes. What are the chances? So all Lo Pan needs to do is make sure he can tame the naked blade, marry her and then kill her.
Mason — Funny, that’s the same thing I’m going to have to do to pay off my college loans.
Rebecca — That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
So, to combat the evil forces of Lo Pan and his three super-powered henchmen, Jack, Wang, the local sorcerer/tour bus driver Egg Shen and the Chang Sing drink a magic potion that gives them similar super abilities, which Jack demonstrates by shooting the ceiling and having rocks fall on his head.
We are obligated to mention Jack’s love interest, Gracie Law, played by Kim Cattrall who now appears in television’s “Sex and the City,” but who we all remember as the lovable dummy from “Mannequin.” Let’s just say the dummy thing is a bit of a recurring theme in her career. Then there is the even more stupid journalist character, who we feel is just a disgrace to the profession.
Mason — It’s funny how I never noticed her until now.
Rebecca — You probably blocked it out of your memory.
But what you can’t get out of your memory are those beauty quotes. Try some on for size.
“You are not brought upon this world to ‘get it’” — Lo Pan
“How do you think I feel? I lost a whole girl!” — Wang
“It’s all in the reflexes.” — Jack.
“All I ask in order to conquer the universe is that you give me flesh and blood.” — Lo Pan
“We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn’t we Wang?” — Jack
Rebecca — The ridiculous dialogue almost reconciled me to the exploitation of Chinese culture. Unfortunately, I know Chinese people who are neither evil nor mysterious, so some of the humor was lost on me.
Mason — Oh, shuck it, Trebek!
Putting our petty differences in racial sensibility aside, we have decided to give the movie three stars. It is a classic campy film with random monsters, to boot! Not to mention the invaluable life lessons that will help protect you on your next visit to San Francisco’s Chinatown. Remember: red = bad, yellow = good.
Rebecca — I can’t believe we made it through the entire review without making fun of Wang’s name.
Mason — Ha ha ha, wang is slang for penis.
Martial arts, spirituality, war and … a redneck truck driver?
Daily Emerald
February 28, 2001
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