Faithful readers of Pulse,
Since you have already cracked the cover, we know that you are the people who really care and deserve to know the truth: Pulse is dead.
We know what you’re thinking: “How could this happen? It was so young!” Well, Pulse has never been what we refer to in the business as a “cash cow.” So, Pulse will heretofore be incorporated as a part of the normal Emerald once a week. We could bore you with the technical details, but suffice it to say that we blame all our troubles on the new conservative government.
We would be lying to you if we said that things aren’t going to change, but we’re not talking about Armageddon. The obvious difference is that our beautiful covers will no longer be a part of your Thursday. Nobody mourns this loss more than our beloved graphics department, and they could use all the support that you can give them.
But we writers have suffered a blow as well. Lisa, the newest reporter on the staff, has been reassigned as a “floating” reporter in the newsroom. Translation: She is the temporary newsroom work horse.
Mason — Lisa, Rebecca and I are deeply sorry.
Rebecca — I’m really not that sorry.
Mason — Me neither, but hey, we have to pretend — this is a eulogy.
Rebecca — Okay, I am really sorry that from now on, I have to work exclusively with Mason.
Another thing to go is the trusty page full o’ calendar. It just takes up too much space. But do you really care? Or, in case you’re particularly attached to our calendar, you can find it online at www.dailyemerald.com.
The one good thing about our physical demise is that because we are no longer confined to a weekly section, we can bring you more timely entertainment news throughout the week. Couldn’t you just pee yourself?
Now, we’d like to take things down a notch and remember the good times that we had in our time here.
Lisa — I enjoyed working with the Pulse staff. However, Becca, I promise to remember the difference between the colon and the semi-colon. Mason, the one thing I will miss about you is the harsh beatings you took in the Forgotten Film photos.
Mason — My favorite memory of Pulse is from fall term 2000, when the previous editor, Monica Hande, sat at our desk meeting horrified while it was decided to run the “bathroom review” story on the cover. I didn’t even suggest the idea; I just sat back and laughed that a story I had done as a joke was going to get a full-color cover page. Full color has become the holy grail of the Pulse desk of late.
As the longest-standing member of Pulse in the current staff, I could look fondly back on the good old days. But really, I think that we put out a damn good Pulse, so I don’t have to look back too far.
Rebecca — After I was coerced, ahem, convinced to make the change from lowly copy editor to prestigious Pulse editor at the end of last term, I felt sure that my new job would bring hard, miserable work and no fun. I was halfway correct. Pulse definitely requires a lot of work: I will not miss trying to make deadline by the skin of my teeth; I will not miss staying in the newsroom until midnight. But I will miss holding colon and semi-colon tutorials with Mason and Lisa. I also enjoyed our attempt at a “Series on Smut.” Most of all, I will miss the creative brainstorming with the design staff.
Blah blah blah. Tear tear tear. We’re not going to stop bringing you great entertainment news and features. Forgotten Film will still be around, and because it’ll be closer to the “real” news, we’re bound to spread more moral corruption.
So whatever your reason for picking up a Pulse, whether you love our writing or ran out of toilet paper, thank you for supporting us even if we could not support ourselves.
Sincerely,
The Pulse staff