A Valentine’s Day card depicts a dinosaur picking up a tiny caveman from a heart-shaped candy box as the dinosaur’s lover tosses another man in its mouth.
“I love the little scream-filled ones,” it snarls.
Relative to the human species, a union between dinosaurs could safely be labeled as nontraditional. However, a casual stroll down a card aisle at Safeway reveals little representation for nontraditional couples. Categories such as “Grandma and Grandpa” or “Mom and Dad” are predominant examples of what one may find. “Dad and Dad” or “Grandma and Grandma,” on the other hand, are mostly nonexistent. That society addresses dinosaur unions before non-mainstream human relationships is somewhat irritating to those in such relationships.
“It bothers me,” said ASUO President Maddy Melton, who explained what she deemed a “heterocentric focus” in most Valentine’s Day advertising. “The term ‘heterocentric’ is the assumption that everyone is heterosexual, and it’s not even a blatant assumption. The way our language is structured leads folks to talk about couples in a very heterosexual dynamic. Heterocentrism really works subconsciously. (It is) the way we’re conditioned to think.”
Melton pointed to some positive changes within the media, adding that college campuses and local newspapers are beginning to be more inclusive of homosexuals.
“The fact that I can excel in my leadership as far as I have shows that society has changed,” she said.
This is perhaps the lower cusp of the wave Melton said she often finds herself in. She said many homosexuals like herself “go in waves” — sometimes very angry at the
exclusion, and at other times too occupied to think much of it.
Former University student Ryan Minor is also on the lower cusp of the wave for the time being.
“It doesn’t bother me,” Minor said, referring to the lack of homosexual representation in Valentine’s Day advertising. “I view it the same as I always did. I don’t feel left out.”
Melton said the feelings she has about homosexual representation change. She added that the type of representation that homosexuals do get is often a person acting heterosexual with a homosexual orientation.
“I think, ‘which is worse, bad representation or no representation at all?’” Melton said. “Sometimes I think no representation at all because inaccurate representation creates stereotypes that are forever binding.”
Melton said society discriminates based on how one “wears” his or her gender, not their sexual orientation. But society is perhaps leaving out more than just same-sex relationships from its national holiday of love. This is where Susan Harrison, co-director of the Nontraditional Student Union, fits in.
Harrison, 44, is currently dating a man who is 16 years her junior. They two met four years ago and have stayed in a strong relationship.
“We are a nontraditional couple in age and gender roles because we’ve swapped them,” Harrison said, adding that while she works for most of the year, her partner cooks and washes dishes at home.
Harrison and her partner had a bumpy start because both of their families could not swallow the idea of such a big age difference. Harrison said counseling through the University Center for Family Therapy taught her and her partner a lot about what a “functional relationship” is.
“(Functionality) means to show them their value to you, and to let them know their sense of worth,” Harrison said in reference to her partner. She said she was in an abusive relationship before she met her current partner.
“Not every relationship is perfect — it is work, but a work of love,” she said. “I’m more than willing to work with him on that level.”
For this Valentine’s Day, Harrison plans to pass out valentines with her 7-year-old daughter Caitlin, followed by a dinner and spa retreat with her partner.