The United States is a mess right now and, unfortunately, we can’t do the South Park thing and blame Canada for our problems. Many Americans instead are seeking refuge in our neighbor to the North.
U.S. citizens left and right want to flee the country because of the commander in chief cowboy that is slated to occupy the oval office for four more years.
This isn’t a one-way street, though. There are plenty of Canadians enjoying the “American dream,” and 14 of them are student athletes attending Oregon.
Three Duck players on each of the women’s basketball and volleyball teams proudly claim Canada as their homeland. Then why do they leave their beloved home to play sports here?
Volleyball players Erin Little (Victoria, B.C.), Jaclyn Jones (Fort St. John, B.C.) and Karen Waddington (MB Langley, B.C.) said that student-athletes are attracted to the States because American colleges offer full-ride scholarships whereas Canadian institutions tend to be stingy toward athletes.
For one reason or another, Canadians all believe they have it made, and that is why foreigners envy them.
“At home, we have the highest percentage of fresh water, and we have a lot of wildlife,” Oregon basketball player Carolyn Ganes of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, boasted. “I think the countries are very similar in general.”
On the contrary, her countrymen say. According to teammate Yadili Okwumabua of Winnipeg, Manitoba, federally funded health care is the biggest perk of following the maple-leaf flag. Canadians also have seven different political parties to choose from, and the economy is doing well. The Canadian dollar is worth 87 American cents right now.
And what about those cool guys in the red suits on horseback? The Mounties?
“They are pretty cool,” Okwumabua said.
You bet they’re cool! Their crimson threads cannot be beat. They are also cool because the crime rate is low.
“I never lock my door at home,” Little said.
“Why would you lock your door?”
Jones asked.
Canada seems to produce talent. Name your poison: sports, music, television, movies. The greatest hockey player: Wayne Gretzky. The funniest on-screen personality: Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, take your pick. Heck, the Canadian Football League added 10 yards to the field to make the game more appealing.
The volleyball trio from the north boasted about how Shania Twain was just honored as the Hottest Female Country Singer by CMT. They also mentioned that Pamela Anderson is Canadian and played for the volleyball club that they all belonged to in British Columbia before joining Oregon’s program.
The trio implied that we Americans should stick to our Krispy Kreme and not crowd the lines of their nationally franchised donut shop called Tim Hortons. Guard your Timbits (Canadian for donut holes), you crazy, freezing tundra inhabitants, because the store
location closest to Oregon is in Michigan, and it doesn’t require a passport to get there.
Kaela Chapdelaine of the women’s basketball team mentioned that she likes to point out every Canadian celebrity to her teammates, “and I make sure I put the ‘eh’ in there, because that’s our heritage.”
Chapdelaine, a native of Okotoks, Alberta, also appreciates the mixed cultural legacy of Canada.
“I think we have a diverse country, and we welcome other cultures,” she said. Little described her native country as a “melting pot.” Interesting, that term has been thrown around somewhere else, hasn’t it?
So are there any downsides to Canada?
“Heck no! It’s a great place,” Ganes said.
Other than the separationist movement in Quebec a while back, Canada has not had to deal with many problems.
“The biggest thing is how to get the snow off the street where it is 10-feet high,” Okwumabua said, “Or how we deal with it when the power lines are frozen over.”
So what do the Canadians really think about Americans crossing over?
“I’m sure it would be overwhelming, but good for the economy,” Okwumabua said. “If people are in trouble, we’re not going to kick you guys out.”
American’s don’t necessarily want to help the economy; they are just looking for citizenship or a place to hide.
“I don’t blame them,” Jones said in a welcoming tone. “There’s no more hockey (National Hockey League); it’s horrible. I’m dying.”
Jones said that she would consider residing permanently in the U.S. if she met a “great guy.”
How romantic … barf!
Said Ganes: “Traveling internationally, you have lots of people in foreign countries that seriously want to marry you to get into Canada.”
In the spirit of sports, an international trade should be implemented. Something more permanent than a student exchange program, but not as permanent as marital vows. Yeah, like that would ever fly. In terms of donuts, no ignorant American would ever want to trade their Krispy Kremes for Timbits.

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