The public’s perception of who wins a
debate is often shaped by the media’s post-debate coverage rather than by the debate
itself. After President Bush’s dismal showing in the polls following last week’s debate, Bush’s campaign operatives sent letters to supporters urging them to defeat the “Kerry campaign spin machine.” The Democrats countered by telling supporters to double their spinning efforts.
After watching last night’s debate between V.P. Dick Cheney and Sen. John Edwards, we thought we would help the two campaigns. Because if there is one thing we know how to do here at the Emerald, it’s spin a story.
Talking points for Republicans:
1. Sure, Americans are 90 percent of Coalition casualties, but if you add Iraqi security deaths, we are only 50 percent. And if you add the number of Iraqi civilians we’ve killed, Americans are only 10 percent of casualties. If that’s not a strong Coalition, we don’t know what is. And let’s not forget Poland (who has decided to pull out of Iraq since the
President pointed out their cooperation in the
first debate).
2. The vice president has never insinuated that there was a connection between Saddam bin Laden, I mean, Osama bin Hussein and Sept. 11. We couldn’t be clearer: There was never not a non-connection between Sept. 11 and Saddama bin Husladen and his terror camps in Iraqiranistan.
3. The senator has his facts all wrong. Iraq and Afghanistan are free and peaceful. Americans all have jobs and are perfectly healthy. Edwards’ pessimism is a smoke screen, a big-time trial lawyer trick to obscure the fact that he is a piece of shit.
4. Edwards certainly didn’t look more handsome than Cheney and anyone who thinks so is obviously completely gay.
Talking points for Democrats:
1. Edwards said we have spent $200 billion and counting on the war in Iraq. Sure, Sen. John Kerry was exposed for this misstatement during the first debate, and the correct figure is really $120 billion, but we are sticking to the lie. Now who is a flip-flopper?
2. Kerry and Edwards never flip-flopped on the war. As we know, Sept. 11 was a tragic day that changed the world and caused all of us, including the President, to reevaluate our beliefs. For Kerry and Edwards, Oct. 25 was also a tragic day that changed the world. So was Nov. 9, Dec. 2, Dec. 3 …
3. Edwards promised to internationalize the war. Countries from across the planet would rush to send their people to die in Iraq if Kerry asked them to because, uh … Vietnam?
4. Cheney voted against Martin Luther King Day, Meals-on-Wheels and freeing Nelson Mandela. He also voted against ending slavery and the creation of fire.
Blunder of the night:
During last night’s debate, Dick Cheney was defending Halliburton when he said, “They know that if you go, for example,
to factcheck.com … you can get the specific details.”
Cheney meant to say factcheck.org. If anyone took Cheney on his word and went to factcheck.com, they were transferred to www.georgesoros.com, the Web site of billionaire and John Kerry supporter George Soros. The Web site is titled: “Why We Must Not Re-Elect President Bush.”
You just can’t make this stuff up.