Going to a Division I university in a college town dubbed TrackTown, USA breeds a certain culture surrounding fitness.
I’ve never been good at sports. I played soccer for four years in elementary school and only scored one goal over the span of my whole soccer career. I tried track and field because I thought at least one of the seemingly countless events would be something I’d be good at. Which only led to the conclusion that I am truly, objectively terrible at competitive sports.
But my life without exercise would be incredibly bleak.
I’m someone who has been diagnosed with double depression, which basically means that I have chronic mild depression with regular major depressive episodes. It’s a miserable condition that has led to trying a slew of remedies.
Antidepressants, SSRIs being the most commonly prescribed, are rarely a truly comprehensive solution for depression. The medications are most effective with cognitive behavioral therapy, which in itself can take a while to change your mood. And with antidepressants, you usually have to take for about a month before you can tell if that particular drug is effective. If it isn’t effective, well, get ready for another month of waiting.
The pain of major depression is palpable. It is not just an emotion, but a physical feeling of pain. It’s miserable and induces despair. When I’m going through it, the only thing I want to do is curl up in the fetal position and wallow.
But after years of experiencing this condition, the only thing that provides almost-immediate relief with few negative side effects has been exercise.
Even a short walk can boost my mood — there is some magic combination of endorphins, fresh air and sweat that can inch me out of the deepest depths of my despair. It’s not a comprehensive cure exactly, but it alleviates the pain almost immediately, which is the best you can wish for when you are that depressed.
Exercise, therefore, is a major priority in my life. Strength and stamina are things that I would like to have some day, but for now, I go for a run not because I want to win a race but because I want to survive the day.
The narrative of exercise told by the typical culture surrounding fitness is drastically different.
The fitness industry, just like other industries in a capitalist society, is structured in a way that convinces consumers to buy products that will supposedly improve their life. This product-based fitness culture breeds a counterproductive attitude toward the importance of exercise for everyone.
Walk into the new rec center and the shiny-newness of the fitness industry will be palpable. Brand name workout outfits are standard, fancy equipment is the norm and working out as hard as you can is the expected lifestyle. The attitude formed by commercials these days is often along the lines of: “If you didn’t almost die, was your workout really worth it?”
This exercise extremism is hardly a new phenomenon: it’s easy to see the connection between the extreme CrossFit and Boot Camp workouts that are extremely popular and the workout routines of the Spartans of Ancient Greece. Athleticism is deeply ingrained in the way humans understand the world, which is why sports culture is so important to us.
But as someone who has felt immediately better just by mindfully rotating my hands in a circle on the axis of my wrists, I can attest to the fact that exercise is so much more than being “the best” at something.
I will likely never be a fast runner, a heavy weight lifter or someone who is a high achiever in any athletic forum. But I can probably thank exercise for much of my ability to overcome obstacles. It makes me feel better, it makes me feel hopeful and it is incredibly important to me.
Living in this sports-crazed campus can make having a healthy attitude toward exercise extremely difficult. I still avoid the weight rooms of the rec center because I am thoroughly convinced I will somehow prove myself to be the unathletic doofus I feel like most of the time.
There is a lot of pressure to be physically fit and strong, which can be a good thing. But acknowledging that exercise is not just about strength, but also about moving our bodies in the way they were built to move is crucial for a healthier attitude about our bodies, mental health and overall wellness.