A new entry was made in my annals of limp-wristed, frivolous, and generally ridiculous press releases this week, when I was informed via an e-mail from the Oregon athletic department that the student who drew mascot duty for Oregon’s home opener against the University of Houston has been punished for the beatdown he put on the Houston Cougar.
(For those of you that weren’t there, the Cougar was doing push-ups after a Houston score and taunting the Oregon fans. The Duck gave him an old-school, back-alley beating – then proceeded to dry-hump the helpless Cougar while he was down.)
But, sorry, no specifics on what actions prompted the punishment (the dry-humping?) or what that punishment was. Just rest assured that the athletic department is all over it.
“Student records restrictions prohibit the University from disclosing the nature of its actions,” read the release. “But the actions are designed to make clear the University’s dissatisfaction with the behavior.”
Phew.
Seriously, from my seat in the press box it was evident to me that, no matter how rambunctious or even mildly-pornographic the display, it was clearly a staged brawl and all in good fun. I even had a good little chuckle over it.
Maybe I am a bit callous – my moral compass has always been at least slightly out of whack – but I really don’t see the need to punish a mascot for being entertaining; that damn Cougar should have kept his ass off the field. Our Duck mascot was out there preserving the dignity and honoring the history of the hallowed grounds of Autzen Stadium.
I say give that brave and stalwart young man or woman (again, no details were disclosed) a freakin’ medal.
In other ridiculous college mascot news, Texas A&M’s canine mascot “Reveille VII” was missing from the sidelines for the Aggies’ triple-overtime victory over Fresno State last Saturday. Apparently, the six-year-old collie snapped at her handler when he stepped on the dog’s tail while out for a run earlier in the week.
Texas A&M Vice President for student affairs Dean Bresciani said Sunday that Reveille was quarantined at Texas A&M’s veterinary school for a couple of days as part of a standard operating procedure and thus unable to attend the game.
Come on now, it’s obvious that this isn’t a case of a rabid, bloodthirsty beast out for human flesh. The guy stepped on her tail and she reacted instinctively.
Sounds like this “mascot corporal” (don’t even get me started on what I think of that title) learned the same lesson that the Houston Cougar did last weekend at Autzen: Mess with the bull and you get the horns.