Last week we brought you our list of top 10 horror movies that scared the crap out of us. This week, we’re turning things around to list the absolute worst in cinematic “terror.”
“The Ring Two”
This film’s predecessor may have been on our top 10 list, but “The Ring Two” was such a horrible let-down that we had to include it on our “worst” list. What could have been an intriguing and terrifying look at the ever-growing cycle – or ring – of the cursed videotape instead became an over-polished, less-than-scary tale of child abuse and demonic babies that totally abandoned the atmosphere of the first film.
“Darkness”
Children haunted by ghosts? Check. A family moving into a new haunted house? Check. Convoluted conspiracy plot? Check. This movie is formulaic in every way, and the fact that its plot – something about a ritual involving parents killing their children for a reason that is never explained – is completely confusing doesn’t help. The ghosts aren’t even that scary. What are supposed to be the ghosts’ gaping eye sockets look like sunglasses. That’s funny – not scary.
“It”
Author Stephen King may be a master of terror, but this 1990 mini-series doesn’t do the book justice. Its low production value and cheesy special effects make it more humorous than scary to anyone over the age of 8. Clown-fearers, on the other hand, might find Tim Curry terrifying in the role of Pennywise, the child-eating clown from hell.
“Hostel”
Kidnapped tourists are nothing new in the realm of terror, but a company that charges rich people money to torture other people for pleasure is certainly new. The idea itself may be scary, but the film fails to follow through and make “Hostel” a terrifying experience. Rather, the first half is practically a teen sex movie, full of raging hormones and topless foreign models. And the second half? Not nearly as gory or disturbing as the hype made it out to be.
“Darkness Falls”
One would think that with legend Stan Winston on board, “Darkness Falls” would be a decent horror movie. Alas, it is not. The film features a ridiculous “monster” called “the Tooth Fairy,” and the main characters somehow seem to lose articles of clothing as the film moves along. The main guy character, Kyle, goes so far as to catch his arm on fire to kill the Tooth Fairy, somehow managing not to get burned in the process. It tries so hard, but falls so flat.
“Wolf Creek”
This movie wasn’t scary at all. It was mostly boring. And the fact that it was supposedly based on a true story felt like more of a gimmick than anything else, because otherwise no one’s going to see movie about a bunch of people who get killed for no reason in the un-terrifying Australian Outback.
“House of the Dead”
It’s bad enough that “House of the Dead” is based on a popular arcade game, but to make matters worse, the movie flashes a split second of video game footage whenever someone or something gets shot. Add that to the terrible acting and writing, and you’ve got yourself a real laugh-fest.
“Final Destination”
The first film in the trilogy about teens who must try to avoid Death after initially cheating it, really isn’t too bad. It was surprising and fresh. Unfortunately, it had its terrible moments (like the teacher’s death by knife in her kitchen), and it spawned two truly terrible sequels that are capable of making audiences actually wish for death. The only thing these films are good for is finding creative ways for people to die.
“The Blair Witch Project”
“The Blair Witch Project” made a huge splash when it hit theaters. People threw up, walked out and made up rumors that it was actual footage of real people and not actors. But the film doesn’t live up to the hype. Watched on a TV at home, it’s not even close to nauseating, and the constant usage of the F-word is slightly distracting. The only creepy moment in the entire film came in the film’s last minutes. That’s no way to make a good scary movie.
“House of Wax”
To be entirely honest, one expects a horror movie with Paris Hilton to be at least a little bit funny. After all, Hilton isn’t exactly known for her acting abilities. “House of Wax,” however, takes itself seriously and because of that, it fails to be either funny or scary. It’s hard to be scared when you keep expecting to laugh at any second. The only good part of the film was the melting all-wax house at the end, but we all know that’s not exactly plausible.
[email protected]