DISCLAIMER: This special April Fools’ edition contains spoofed material
Dana Altman has always been known for his demonstrative ways on the sideline. He points, he screams, he paces the sideline with a fervent vigor. Yet, even for Altman, what happened on Wednesday night was out of the ordinary.
Stomping on the sideline as he shouted instructions to his players, Altman inadvertently created a sizable dent in the brand new floor at Matthew Knight Arena. Arena workers are scrambling to fix the problem, but the status of Friday night’s game against Creighton remains up in the air.
“Gosh, I don’t even know what to say,” Altman said as a sheepish look crossed his face. “Honestly, I didn’t know I had that kind of power. It must be these new shoes.”
Normally, such an issue would be relatively easy to fix. Given that the tiles on Pat Kilkenny Floor are so unique, however, there could be an extended delay in finding replacements.
“We’re working as hard as we can to figure something out,” an arena official said. “As of right now, we simply cannot guarantee anything. Altman did quite a number on this floor.”
The break in the floor, which reportedly measures five inches in diameter, is small but certainly noticeable to the naked eye. Arriving for practice on Thursday, junior guard Malcolm Armstead quickly noticed workers congregating around the court. Upon viewing the hole left by Altman’s shoe, Armstead could not help but let out a chuckle.
“Honestly, I’m in shock,” Armstead said. “You look at Coach and think, ‘You really did that?’ It’s crazy.”
Despite the chaos, the team went about its practice as usual on Thursday afternoon. Altman continued to prepare his team for Friday’s matchup, but could also be seen casting furtive glances at the covered spot where his foot split the wood.
“I don’t even realize half of the things I do during games,” he said after the practice ended. “I certainly don’t remember stomping all over the court. I hope there isn’t video of it.”
At that moment, a reporter pulled out a smartphone to show him that there was, indeed, video proof of the incident.
“Oh geez,” Altman said. “Oh geez. Is that how I look all of the time? I wish someone would have told me.”
Upon hearing his coach’s response, junior guard Garrett Sim could only laugh.
“Seriously? He doesn’t realize that he does that stuff?” Sim asked. “I mean, I hear it all the time when I’m on the court. Probably because a lot of the yelling is directed at me, but still. He really doesn’t remember?”
Freshman center Martin Seiferth, a native of Berlin, Germany, said Altman’s yelling and pacing was one of the first things he noticed upon arrival on campus.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Seiferth said. “Half the time, I don’t even understand what he’s saying. And I know English! He’s something else, but we love him.”
Indeed, there will be no harsh consequences for Altman after Wednesday’s accident. University officials can only hope the problem is solved before tonight’s championship game.
Looking back, senior forward Joevan Catron said he felt that perhaps he could have prevented the whole fiasco.
“Everyone knows Coach goes hard during games,” Catron said. “It’s kind of like he wishes he could be out there with us. Sometimes, I think about telling him to calm down a little.
“I guess I should have said something sooner.”
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