The Oregon football team — to borrow an outdated phrase from Limp Bizkit — keeps rollin’ rollin’ rollin’.
That’s just about all you can say about the Ducks. Who knows where they’ll end up at the end of the season? Who knows what bowl game Oregon will attend, or whether they’ll win another Pacific-10 Conference title to fill the conspicuous space on the Autzen Stadium sideline wall next to “2001”?
Hey, the Ducks are just trying to look good doing whatever it is they’re going to do this year.
Like Onterrio Smith, who says he rides in the Oregon Hummer to games at Autzen with the linebacker crew.
Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’.
The Ducks’ football image is represented in that shiny green Hummer. In a hyphenated word: bad-ass. The DuckVision introductions, the “O” logo itself, the spectacular new Autzen expansion, all these things are part of an image the athletic department wants you to buy. And why not? It’s fun to be associated with a cool product.

Sure, maybe sometimes the Ducks’ play is more like the old Volkswagen Bug with the big Oregon helmet on top — ugly and egotistical — but don’t hold that against the Ducks. They’re just rollin’ any way they can.
Take quarterback Jason Fife. If he were a car, he’d be a California convertible. Top down, shades out, no worries. Smith would be a low-rider: smooth, cool and not something you want to mess with.
The BMW ZM of the team left when Rashad Bauman was drafted by Washington. Bauman was a true Beemer; he was small, fast, performed well and was still all about image. If a car could trash talk, the ZM would be it, and Bauman could match words with just about anybody.
Free safety Keith Lewis is trying to take over that role from Bauman, but he’s like a brown BMW — not quite there yet.
Head coach Mike Bellotti is in this garage, too, and he’s no old-lady Cadillac. Some coaches (Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno come to mind) rest on reputation and past success. Bellotti constantly builds his team while he’s winning tons of football games, a process that leads to success year after year. He’s smart, dependable and yet still in touch and cool. He’s an SUV, maybe a Ford Explorer.
Side note: Oregon soccer coach Bill Steffen actually drives a Pontiac Aztec. Remember the Pontiac Aztec? Square-butted, half car, half camper? Half beaten with the ugly stick — sorry — beaten with the ugly crowbar? Yeah, he drives one of those. Apologies to him and anyone else who drives an Aztec.
Anyway, moving right along, the Ducks take their fleet of sweet rides to Arizona this week, where the Wildcats are all in the shop. I know, you’ve heard too much about the injuries to the Arizona squad. But man, they need a good mechanic. Know anybody? Didn’t think so.
Like a Mack truck, the Oregon football team will hope to barrel through Arizona and the rest of the Pac-10 schedule. Side note: The Ducks actually have a truck that transports their gear to some away games. But of course they do.
Or maybe like the Oregon Harley that rumbles across the Autzen turf before home games, the Ducks are trying to buzz by the rest of the conference. Whatever cheesy metaphor you use, there is a point here. The Oregon football squad can’t begin to predict where it will end up this season after the crazy conference slate is done.
They can just keep on rollin’.