Dear Nat: I need help solving an e-mail squabble I had with a friend who is pro-military. I recently wrote her and expressed that I am strongly against the war in Iraq. She replied with a long letter stating that I am wrong and that she actually believes the United States has good reasons to go to war! I’m considering ending the friendship because I feel she is being ignorant. Should I bother trying to patch things up, and if so, how?

— Political Firestarter
Dear Firestarter: Unless your friendship consists of watching the news together all day, then yes, you should try to patch things up. There are many topics friends can discuss and activities they can engage in that do not include politics. I feel it is important for romantically involved couples to agree on controversial issues, but a friendship with other elements of enjoyment is not worth throwing away because of one disagreement. You unlatched Pandora’s Box by e-mailing your political opinion to your friend. She already had her view set on this touchy topic, and you opened your mouth (or tapped the keyboard, in this case) with a fire-filled opposition that ended up burning you both. Next time, don’t make a comment that you think might offend someone, because an argument will be the only outcome.
For now, pick up the phone and tell your friend it would be best to put the issue to rest, because you’re not changing your mind about the war and she’s not changing hers. Then bring up controversial topics that are more relevant to everyday life, such as the complexities of your roommates, relationships and careers.
Dear Nat: I’m a 20-year-old female feeling attention-starved from one of my best guy friends, “Evan.” Evan is one of the few supportive people in my life aside from my boyfriend, “Benny.” Lately, Evan’s long-distance girlfriend has been requesting he call her every night, and this has been interfering with the time I spend with him. He always cuts our coffee dates short because he has to rush home and call his girlfriend. I need Evan there for me in case something bad happens between Benny and me! What should I do?

— Attention-Starved Friend
Dear Attention-Starved: Who are you dating, Benny or Evan? I would think it’s a little more important to be concerned with the actions of your own man, not someone else’s. Evan is still spending time with you, like a friend should, but his girlfriend is his first priority. If given the choice, I’m sure you would spend any bonus snippets of your time with Benny, not Evan.
I’m more concerned with your
statement, “in case something bad happens between Benny and me.” Maybe you should work on stabilizing things with Benny, not Evan, because the tone of your love relationship sounds insecure. You are afraid of being alone if Benny leaves you, which worries me about your emotional stability. It’s important to have friends and family as a support system, but don’t put all the pressure on Evan. Work on gaining support from other friends and family and being independent so you can rely on yourself as well as a slew of supporters — not just Benny or Evan. If you and Benny do break up, I’m sure Evan or any other friend would be there with a shoulder to cry on. But it is best to be strong enough to stand on your own two feet first so you won’t collapse if others decide to bail on you.