So, you’re single and Valentine’s Day is in two days. Don’t act like you forgot.
Don’t act like you aren’t just a little excited for the ultimate excuse to consume a whole box of chocolates and have a bottle of wine to yourself. You can binge on corny rom-coms in the company of the only one who gets you: your cat. This is your night.
Or maybe you decide you aren’t going to be alone this year because you’re hot and the ten Tinder matches you’ve gotten this week prove it. Maybe you’ll actually reply to their messages. Maybe you’ll even shave! I mean you’re only young once, right?
Yeah, yeah, Valentine’s Day sucks. It was invented by greedy, evil greeting card companies to exploit your emotions, blah, blah, blah — don’t be that guy.
You’re single. So what? Most of us are, and that’s just fine.
So to all the single ladies and fellas out there: This one’s for you. Happy Valentine’s Day. You do you.
Food: 
Go out:
Falling Sky Pour House & Deli:
If you’re feeling indulgent and exploratory put on your “I don’t care that I’m alone on a couple’s holiday” face and hit up the Falling Sky Deli in the Whit.
Plates are around $15, which might seem a bit on the high end if you were splitting, but tonight’s all about you, baby.
Since you’re there, try something new — like a duck pastrami sandwich or an “everything salad” with mushrooms, chicken salad, egg salad and Israeli couscous all in one bowl.
The true glory of this place is the norse-dining hall meets classic-sports-diner vibe, the long-table meets bar interior that is conducive to conversations with other patrons, and the friendly waiting staff. With a bit of time, your fare share of drinks and ice-breakers you’ll probably even forget you showed up alone — until it’s time to leave, that is.
If you’ve still got room for self indulgence after all of that beer and burger — or maybe the stars aligned and you hit it off with another loner at the bar — Sweet Life Patisserie is just across the street (beware the couples).
Double Down Nachos
Go to 7/11
Get the nachos, but save the packaged tortilla chips for later.
Fill the entire nacho tray with liquid cheese, roughly eight ounces.
Buy a package of nacho cheese-flavored Bugles.
Immediately open Bugles and dip into the cheese for a double cheese sensation.
Wipe excess nacho cheese on pants.
Stay In:
The Red Velvet Whine and Dine:
If you’re without Valentine’s plans, but would still like to acknowledge that the holiday exists and that there was once a time when you were not dead inside, here is a festive recipe that requires minimal effort on your part.
You’ll need a bottle of dessert wine, a box of red velvet cake mix, any extra ingredients it calls for, 1/2 cup of applesauce, cooking spray, your choice of frosting and a Crockpot to cook it in.
First, spray the inside of the pot with cooking spray. After beating all the ingredients together in a separate bowl for one minute, pour into the Crockpot and cover. Cook on high for 1.5 to two hours, or until done. While waiting, drink the whole bottle of wine and wonder what you’re doing with your life.
Let it cool and spread the frosting in an even layer over the top of the cake. Grab a spoon and eat the entire cake in one sitting straight out of the pot. Feel ashamed, but slightly impressed with yourself.
Beef and Ramen Noodles:
Crack ramen and place into boiling water. You know what you’re doing.
A popular Japanese noodle dish includes slices of flank steak in ramen. You can easily substitute with a slice of honey ham from the Safeway deli. It’s virtually the same thing.
Peanut Butter-Brown Sugar Sandwich
Spread peanut butter on both slices of bread.
Spoon brown sugar onto one piece of bread.
Combine slices of bread together.
You might be an animal who has not matured since the sixth grade. But it’s still delicious.
Stuff to do –
Go Out:
Sir Mix-a-Lot
It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and if nothing else can distract you from a sense of loneliness and overwhelming despair that follows you around, you might as well be dead. Alternatively, you can let Sir Mix-a-Lot help.
The Grammy-winning emcee and producer, straight out of Seattle, is making a stop at Eugene’s Cozmic Pizza this week, and is bound to tear the place apart with “Baby Got Back,” one of the quintessential hip-hop songs and cultural touchstones of the early ’90s.
Sir Mix-a-Lot’s modern revival is partially due to Nicki Minaj’s 2014 hit “Anaconda,” in which “Baby Got Back” serves as the tune’s bedrock. “Baby Got Back” came out 23 years ago, but Sir Mix-A-Lot’s tush fixation cannot be shackled by the restrictions of time. And as long as butts are in vogue, we will always hear that iconic intro, “Oh. My. God. Becky…”
Don’t think about relationships this Valentine’s Day weekend. Put everything else out of your mind. Just think about butts.
Sir Mix-a-Lot will be performing at 9:30 p.m. on Thursday, Feb. 12 at Cozmic Pizza (199 W. 8th St.). Tickets cost $23 at the door, $21 in advance.
Stay In:
10 dolla bottle make you holla:
It’s Saturday, and it’s Valentine ’s Day, all the parties for tonight are “couples” themed, which means you’re not going.
In the same sad twist of fate, your roommate is also single — looks like you have pity plans now.
Decide on getting cheap wine and pizza and watching a movie.
Realize you both only have $10 combined, and can’t buy both wine and pizza.
Weigh the pros and cons and realize the wine is really more important for this occasion.
After a few glasses, the feels come on and every past relationship that went wrong comes into question — appropriate if you’ve decided it’s a night for girl talk and introspection. Otherwise, maybe just get the pizza.
Listen to some Doom Metal: 
What better music to listen to on a lonely Valentine’s Day in Eugene than doom metal? Here are some song suggestions and how they’ll fit into your Valentine’s Day:
Aldebaran – “Tower Of Famine” and Thou – “Fucking Chained To The Bottom Of The Ocean”

Buy a bottle of cheap wine and return home. Your roommate bursts through the door, giggling in rapturous contentment, love-interest clinging on like a parasite. They disappear into the bedroom. Nothing can drown out the moaning. What to do? You crank your music up. Loud.
Orange Goblin – “Getting High On The Bad Times” and Sleep – “Dragonaut”
The wine is three-quarters gone and your subwoofers are working their asses off. At this point you’re just trying to piss your roommate off. Thank God for doom metal, you think, imagining the happy couple in the other room trying to get it on with the sounds of depressing, down-tuned guitars reverberating through the wall. You smirk with satisfaction, lay down and finish the wine.
Agalloch – “Sowilo Rune” and Ahab – “Deliverance”
Your roommate finishes and sits down beside you. You’re happy to just have someone to talk to. Except your roommate, who isn’t exactly a huge fan of doom metal, puts on the Smiths. You curl into a ball and sob. This holiday is stupid. Everything is patently stupid.