Story by Michael Guidice
Illustrations by Maris Antolin

The consumption of copious amounts of “Ron-Ron Juice,” gratuitous casual “smushing,” and countless hair extension-pulling domestic disturbances play out as unrelenting house music bumps in the background. Assuming you don’t live in North Korea and are under the age of sixty, you’ll recognize this scene as just another clip from the train wreck that is Jersey Shore.
Whether you hate it, love it, or hate yourself for loving it, you more than likely have a strong opinion regarding the pop culture phenomenon. And now, America’s dirty little guilty pleasure is going international as the cast recently landed in Florence. Talk about idiots abroad.
Rearing its overly tanned head in late 2009, the series that follows eight Italian-American twenty-something housemates spending their summer being belligerent while working as little as humanly possible has gained enormous popularity. With a cast who recklessly breaks laws (public intoxication, assault, etc.) the series has shattered MTV’s viewer record. In January, the season three premiere drew roughly nine million sets of eyes while entertaining and offending the masses, myself included.
As an American of predominantly Italian heritage whose last name ends in a vowel, I was often referred to as “guido” growing up, sometimes even by teachers. While the word “guido” is viewed as a racial slur in some circles, I never took offense—in fact, I mostly embraced it. My tough-to-pronounce family name set me apart from all the generically-named, upper-middle-class white kids in my very un-exotic Oregon suburb. For this I was mostly grateful.
When my great-grandfather Giuseppe came through Ellis Island in New York, braving the seas like so many immigrants, his name was dumbed down. Del Giudice became Guidice (pronounced guy-diss). I have the utmost respect for my great-grandfather’s plight and my pride in my lineage has exponentially increased over time.
However, despite my love for authentic Italian culture, in the interest of full disclosure I will admit that I, like millions of other Americans, regularly tune into MTV on Thursday nights to watch Jersey Shore. At first, I adamantly opposed the show based on its premise and the fact that it was on said network, but eventually, I gave in. The temptation was simply too strong .
I watched Jersey Shore as a last resort one evening and reaffirmed my perception of the program—it was reality television at its worst (best?). Problem was, like a train wreck, I could not pull myself away, and before I knew it I was indirectly supporting the lewd, ignorant, and disrespectful type of people I have always loathed. Between seeing Sammi “Sweetheart”brawl with Jenni “JWoww” and witnessing Mike “The Sitch” essentially force girls into his bed, I was inexplicably transfixed.
To call Jersey Shore a guilty pleasure for myself would be an understatement; I feel as if I am setting back Americans, Italians, and Italian-Americans like myself every time I tune in.
During the show, cast members fondly refer to themselves as “guidos” and “guidettes” while seemingly embracing every negative Italian stereotype imaginable: overly-manicured, misogynistic men dripping with machismo and hair gel co-exist with extremely unstable, dangerously jealous women.
“The cast embody the worst stereotypes of Italians, multiplied by thousands and Americanized,” columnist Roberto Del Bove recently lamented in the Rome newspaper New Notzie.
The ensemble of clichés has led various Italian-American advocacy groups to protest the show even before an episode aired in 2009. Joseph Del Raso, the president of the National Italian American Foundation, took particular offense and did not appreciate the direct connection between “guido culture” and Italian-American identity. Snooki, of course, was not fazed by the outrage as she does not see ethnicities, only orange skin. “You know when they put ‘ethnicity’ on a job application? Well I put ‘other’ and write in ‘tan,’” she once explained to JWoww.
With the show steeped in controversy, the cast has now invaded Italy and begun filming the fourth season in an apparent attempt to depreciate the birthplace of the Renaissance.
Snooki, The Situation, and company bring their debauchery to Florence as the potential last season is set to air late this year; not surprisingly, some Italians haven’t been shy about voicing their displeasure. Mayor of Florence, Matteo Renzi, even compiled a list of rules the cast must abide by when not tending to “GTL” (gym, tan, laundry). As published in the Italian paper Corriere della Sera, the list specifies that the group must not be filmed drinking in clubs–or any other public venues for that matter. Also, the show must not portray Florence as a haven for alcoholic endeavors but instead highlight the region’s rich culture and cuisine. Respectful, conscientious and cultured? These traits don’t exactly conjure up images of Snooki or typify Deena. When I think of Renaissance men, the names Michelangelo and Galileo come to mind—not Ronnie and The Situation.
The bronzed ignoramuses that we can’t seem to get enough of have invaded the boot where they will undoubtedly be spending their new six-digit salaries on Pizza Hut and Patron. In your face, slow food.
A country that has been left reeling from the misadventures of its leader, the infamous Silvio Berlusconi, and illegal immigration from people fleeing the atrocities in Northern Africa, does not need another black eye. Berlusconi’s sultry sexcapades won’t easily be forgotten as the Jersey Shore cast is sure to emulate his crass behavior nightly.
Meanwhile, this slightly bitter Italian-American hopes to travel abroad and tour Italy extensively in the near future. During my trip I plan to take in the Colosseum and all the ancient architecture; I look forward to experiencing the natural wonders as well, marveling at the majestic Alps in the North and the immaculate Apennines in the South; I especially can’t wait to explore my great-grandfather’s old stomping grounds in southern Italy where the Sassi di Matera (translated as “Stones of Matera”), a UNESCO World Heritage Site, sits high in the mountainous terrain.
I wax romantic about the old country because of the great respect I have for the history and culture the land is steeped in. I also genuinely admire my great-grandfather who risked his life to come to America with so many other brave immigrants in the early 1900s. On the other hand, the most significant thing Jersey Shore has done is show the rest of us how not to act when in a “relationship.” Here’s looking at you, Sam and Ron.
The living, breathing caricatures that are the Jersey Shore cast surely do not appreciate their opportunity nor will they respect the old county—you can count on that.
Now that I have shamefully endured multiple seasons of the show, I can take a step back and really analyze the semantics of the whole ridiculous alternate universe that is Jersey Shore. Perhaps I enjoy living vicariously through young people whose biggest issue is deciding where they’re getting drunk and which “grenade” they’re bringing home. While I incessantly worry about paying bills and securing a job post-graduation, my fellow twenty-somethings, these narcissistic numskulls, are getting generously compensated to have frivolous sex and black out.
Mostly, though, I just see the comedic value of it all. As a pop culture junkie, Jersey Shore is akin to the likes of Reefer Madness or The Warriors, beyond ridiculous but often ridiculously entertaining. I find myself laughing throughout the program, occasionally with the cast, but mostly at them, because as we know, nothing makes one feel better about his or herself than seeing others act unbelievably stupid.
So go ahead , call me a “guido” or reference the “Mario Brothers” and I won’t flinch. Fly to the motherland and disrespect my lineage and bring shame to both Italians and Americans alike, however, and I take issue. I mean, couldn’t we just confine our ridiculously mindless rubbish to the U.S.? Italy already has their own brand of wretched reality television—why force our despicable programming on them while jeopardizing the integrity of a cultural mecca?
Alas, my pleas are sure to fall on deaf ears so sound the “grenade whistle” and hide the women and fried pickles—the Jersey Shore gang has touched down in Italy. If there was a doubt before, we can now confidently say that American pop culture has officially “jumped the shark.” Unfortunately, this time it has landed abroad.

Gallery • 1 Photos

The Jersey Shore cast lands in the heart of Italy.