Wow, what a slow week for music news. I mean, gee whiz, if there was ever a seven-day stretch of time that offered less information about the bands that I care about (or even the bands that I don’t care about), I must have blocked it out of my memory.
My action-packed weekend began with watching two amazing movies on Friday night. The first was “Get Over It,” a completely brainless, yet utterly fascinating teen romantic comedy that came out last year.
In “Get Over It,” Ben Foster stars as Berke, who is dating Allison (Melissa Sagemiller in a career-defining, breakout role). They were childhood friends who managed to fall in love when they were old enough to appreciate each other’s various curves and bulges.
Shockingly, Allison dumps Berke for another guy (a British fellow named Stryker), who just happens to be a complete chump. Imagine that!
To win Allison back, Berke decides to join the school’s production of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” in order to impress her. Unfortunately, Berke completely sucks at acting. This is where his best friend’s little sister, Kelly, comes on the scene. She is talented and beautiful, and she slowly transforms Berke into a master thespian. By the way, she’s completely smitten with him, and he of course doesn’t care because he is an idiot.
Did I mention that Kelly is played by the hottest actress in showbiz today, Kirsten Dunst?
Anyway, you can figure out the rest of the plot if you think about it for about five more seconds. I know this movie sounds like a total stinker, but it is, in fact, memorable for several reasons, including:
– The fact that we get to hear Berke pathetically crooning Elvis Costello’s “Allison””several times throughout the film.
– The fact that Sisqo (yes, the dope who sang “The Thong Song”) plays one of Berke’s best friends.
– The presence of Carmen Electra, Colleen Fitzpatrick (the cute girl from “Survivor”), and Coolio for no apparent reason.
– The fact that whenever two people kiss, they are instantly transported to a magical forest (it’s true!) with the aid of movie magic.
– The fact that Allison’s new beau is in a boy band that had a hit with the song “Love S.C.U.D.,” the music video of which is included on the DVD of “Get Over It.”
– A completely random yet mind-blowing duet between Sisqo and Vitamin C at the end of the movie.
Kirsten Dunst.
– All in all, “Get Over It” is a pleasure as guilty as Domino’s pizza, “Beverly Hills, 90210,””and Elton John. It is equally enjoyable with or without the aid of strong hallucinogens.
Disclaimer: I don’t usually spend Friday nights watching two movies in a row like a pathetic chump. Rather, on most Fridays you can find me at a random bar, frighteningly inebriated, dancing on a tabletop, having put $5 into the jukebox with the goal of requesting all of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” twice through in sequential order.
But sometimes you’ve just got to lay low, and this is why after watching “Get Over It,” my friends and I popped in another comedy classic, 1978’s “Petey Wheatstraw.”
“Petey Wheatstraw” is a blaxploitation film starring “Dolemite” actor Rudy Ray Moore as Petey Wheatstraw, a dude so badass that he was born with the body of a 10-year-old, straight out tha’ womb!
To make a long story short, Petey becomes a master of martial arts and then a stand-up comedian (don’t ask). When two rival stand-up comedians kill Petey and his friends, Petey is offered a deal by Satan: Petey can return to the land of the living and exact vengeance upon his killers if he agrees to marry the Devil’s daughter, who is hideously ugly.
Petey nearly backs out of the Devil’s deal, which leads to one of the movie’s best lines: “It seems like in your deals, you always come out on top. Just like that shit you pulled with Adam and Eve.”
So, of course Petey gets to kick stand-up comedian butt, leading to much hilarity and kung-fu goodness. But when it comes time to hold up his end of the bargain, he gets cold feet, and that’s where the movie truly takes off.
And that’s how I spent my Friday night. I just realized that I have no more room left to write about my week, which included a Modest Mouse concert, mischief at the Clackamas Town Center, run-ins with the police and a visit to the Spirit Mountain Casino. Too bad for you, because all of that stuff was way more exciting that watching a couple of movies. Until next week!
E-mail columnist Dave Depper at [email protected]. His opinions do not necessarily reflect those of the Emerald.