Does buying a pre-packaged, mass-produced, red foil-covered heart-shaped box of stale chocolate really prove to your significant other that you’re the Heaven-sent soulmate with whom they are destined to spend an unquestioned eternity? Well how about the unforgettable gift of a monstrous five pound gummy bear? Should February’s halftime show really be a day that forces lovers to buy gifts for one another simply because there was a chivalristic man named Valentine in the Middle Ages who spread love?
No.
It’s funny how the two most consumer driven holidays are the ones that are based on sharing love with others. History.com predicts that there will be one billion cards sent this year, second only to Christmas, when 2.6 billion cards are sent. Another statistic: 85 percent of Valentines are purchased by women.
For those of you who hate the mere concept of Valentine’s Day, this playlist may be enough to make you laugh at the heartbreak others are sure to go through. The lonely and heartbroken victims of the universe’s cruel and twisted sense of humor should use this playlist as a reminder that heartbreak is common, and to understand that yes, it is a lonely world.
Heartbreak and denial will be in an overabundance tonight, so remember the words of Craig Finn of The Hold Steady: “Heartbreak hurts but you can dance it off.” If nobody Choo-Choo-Chooses You tonight, or your heart gets unfairly crushed, don’t worry. It gets better.
This playlist is an over-dramatization of the stages my brain went through after a harsh break-up earlier in the year. Sure, I burned some things and laughed hysterically to Wilco’s “Via Chicago” after she dumped me, but these songs helped remind me that heartbreak is a part of growing up, dammit!
Happy Valentine’s Day.

Feel free to comment with your favorite breakup/anti-romance songs.
(For a more sincere crate of songs to play this holiday, check out resident romanticist Emerson Malone’s playlist)
Follow Craig Wright on Twitter: @wgwcraig