On any given day, University junior Phil Harms may look into a mirror and tell himself he is looking sharp, only to return five minutes later and say, “What were you thinking? You don’t look good today.”
The University Men’s Health Team conducted a survey in 1999 in which men on campus listed depression as the sixth major health concern they faced. But many, like Harms, do not like to talk about their self-image problems.
“(Men) are trained … not to express their true feelings or emotions — that might seem feminine,” Harms said. “They are supposed to be confident, strong and self-reliant.”
According to the University Health Center, while much emphasis has been placed on dealing with women’s self-image problems, such as eating disorders and depression, the same is not the case for men.
“Men’s depression is downplayed,” health center psychologist Jon Davies said. “Because men hide it.” Davies said crying is a good way to let go of grief, but society encourages men not to cry.
George Hanawahine, director of the University Men’s Center, agreed with Davies. Hanawahine said when men feel depressed, have relationship troubles, suffer from low self-esteem or problems at work or school, they are less likely to seek counseling than women.
“The tendency for … most men is to try to solve their problems on their own,” he said, adding that if they cannot accomplish this, they often go to a friend or family member. By the time they go to a counselor, “they are in a more severe situation.”
This repression of feelings lowers self-esteem and self-image, and people with little self-confidence — despite their appearance — are less social, health center physician Ben Douglas said.
“Self-image and self-confidence goes hand-in-hand,” Douglas said. “The most important thing to do is … develop some comfort about yourself.”
Like Harms, University freshman Aaron Martin said for him, low
self-image is a strong cause
of depression.
“Sometimes everything seems dark,” Martin said. “(Men) restrain what they are to be somebody else.”
Harms said he does not talk about his problems to many people because he cares too much about what others think of him.
“I put up a facade most of the time,” he said. “Even though I don’t feel great about how I look most of the time, I pretend.”
Hanawahine said while men in the 21st century face more pressure to show their feminine side, they still have to be masculine. Davies said gay men usually have an easier time dealing with masculinity and confidence problems, but society does not let them escape the problems altogether.
“Gay men have been able … to resist some of the pressures that heterosexual men have,” he said. “(But) it’s hard to discard social expectations.”
Men react to self-confidence and self-image problems differently. Harms said he exercises regularly to stay in shape and feel productive, while Martin said it’s better for men to relieve depression by crying and getting it out of their systems than to get angry. Hanawahine, Douglas and Davies suggested that no matter what someone does, a man should express what he is feeling
to someone.
The goal of the Men’s Center, located in 20 EMU, is to get men involved in taking care of themselves both physically and mentally — which Hanawahine said will be the most difficult part.