When I decided to travel to French Polynesia for a six-week program, I pictured tropical palm trees, black sand beaches, picturesque waterfalls and thriving wildlife. Seven months later, I found myself sick to my stomach on a plane, returning from a trip I thought would be the highlight of my year.
What started as a tropical adventure turned into a physical and emotional rollercoaster. I felt crushed and ashamed for not taking advantage of my opportunity. But two questions remain: Would I do it again and should you?
To get to the answer I’ll give some context. I was ecstatic when I found the Wildlands Studies program in French Polynesia — an outdoor education experience. Sleeping in tents under the stars and having class wherever a hike might take us sounded like a dream. We were promised long hikes through lush rainforests and snorkeling on tropical reefs, all taken with rigorous classes. It sounded transformative.
Patrick McMurdo, a study abroad coordinator at the University of Oregon, knows better than anyone how life-changing study abroad can be. After a year abroad in Costa Rica in high school and Peace Corps service in Ukraine, his life-changing experiences would shape him forever.
“It’s getting to what this whole human experience means, and how we define that,” McMurdo said. “It’s really neat when you get to see that defined in a different way than what we’re typically going through here.”
McMurdo said it ends up being the highlight of many college students’ experiences.
“It can sort of be a crown jewel experience that they have, but it’s hard to explain what that is ahead of time before you get the chance to go and experience it,” McMurdo said.
This was my first mistake: not preparing for panic. That first night with my small class of 17 was terrifying. I was in a strange place camping with strangers, carrying everything I owned on my back.
My classmate, Maria Miller, would soon become one of my close friends. Maria had a refreshingly honest and bubbly personality seemingly immune to low morale. She helped me through some of the most stressful situations on the trip, but even she was secretly anxious.
“I thought it was going to be vacation going in,” Miller said. “I also thought that it would be a bit easier. It was completely overwhelming. I didn’t think we were gonna have so much trouble with where we slept at night, (and) that was an ongoing issue. I didn’t expect to see such shocking differences.”
Our time was packed with gorgeous hikes, waterfalls, snorkeling and exploring one of the most beautiful cultures on the planet. I never wanted to leave — until I got a stomach virus.
I was feverish, in pain and unable to eat or drink, all while camping alone with limited access to necessities like food and water. After multiple Google-translated doctor visits, a stomach flu and COVID-19 diagnosis, one hospitalization and countless sleepless nights, I was an alarming 98 pounds. With little chance of recovery abroad, I had no choice but to return home.
I desperately wanted to stay. I had dreamed about this trip since I was a toddler and endlessly rewatched Polynesian nature documentaries. Now that I had the chance, I felt I had blown it. On the plane ride home, I couldn’t understand why I was so weak and why my body couldn’t handle what others could. I felt like I had failed.
I’m not the only one. McMurdo wishes students understood the challenges of living in a different country. There may be adversity, but much of the reward comes from learning on the fly.
“I wish that there was a different expectation about what it means to go on a study abroad program versus an itinerary provided by a travel company,” McMurdo said. “Being away from family for a significant amount of time, and what we might call ‘culture shock’ is actually just being lonely at times. I think that you learn a lot from those (experiences). And I definitely think they formed a lot of my personality.”
He’s right. Growth hurts, but that’s why it’s important. Despite my series of unfortunate events, I still went to French Polynesia. I saw a 200-meter waterfall. I swam with stingrays. That alone is evidence that just because an experience doesn’t give you what you thought it would, doesn’t mean it didn’t teach you something.
If you decide to study abroad, know that you are going on an adventure in every sense of the word. There will be challenges, but there will also be triumphs. There will be extreme highs and extreme lows. You will sometimes feel alone and sometimes on top of the world. But most importantly, you will learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible. What could be better than that?
