As a child, mom and dad appear to be these “all-knowing” people. My mom could tell the moment something bothered me and both my parents knew when I had trouble on my mind. At the time it baffled me. I convinced myself that they had eyes in the back of their heads. They even knew the answers to my math problems, which also confused me because they went to school almost “100” years ago, right? – Such was the thought process of my naive, young mind.
I figured that my parents were super humans and adults had secret meetings in which they talked about all the knowledge in the world. Mom and dad could do anything. No person or thing scared them, they had weird “big-word” conversations with other adults, and always provided an answer.
Our perceptions of our parents changed in high school to the degree that we believed they were wrong and we were right. As a teenager, my brain convinced me that mom and dad wanted to destroy every fabric and thread of my life. I wanted out of the house and college granted many of us that getaway.
Except, I didn’t find the escape I thought I wanted. The first weekend in college surprised many students with new friends, late nights, the giant LLC salads and a glimpse of the idealized definition of freedom. However, the first two weeks of college found first years lost on campus and therefore late to multiple classes. The giant lectures, endless reading and sea of new faces made many aches for something familiar and loving. Fast forward a year to summertime where I felt happy to be home, but increasingly at odds with my parents.
What is happening? As we grow into adults and learn new routines, we start to see mom and dad not as “all-knowing beings” or “destroyers of the high school social life”, but as individuals who had and still have their own dreams and aspirations. Parents become human.
College challenges students to form their own opinions, confront obstacles and choose a major that add to our strengths. Mom and dad don’t do this for us. So, when we go home for winter or summer break, we face not only our parents, but also other adults who may disagree with our new routines and/or opinions. As kids, we saw all the strengths in our parents. Now we are aware of their faults.
I like to think of it like this: As kids, we were the football and parents were the running back or wide receiver who dodged, jumped, and tackled opponents that sought to block our path or hurt us. During high school, mom and dad became coaches. We ultimately played the game, but they ran next to us on the sidelines, pulling us out when we became tired or upset and pushing us when we weren’t trying hard enough.
Now, we are playing basketball. The court is ours and we hope that every ball that flies toward that net is a clean swish. Nonetheless, nothing is that simple and parents become the backboard that offers support whenever we are off our game.
As summer begins and we embark on whatever job, vacations, or internship that will occupy our time, have patience with mom and dad. Frustrations will happen because you are different. You will see yourself reflected in them and you will also notice the parts of your personality that are solely your own. Their ambitions and faults will become more obvious.
Be kind and don’t be afraid to learn from one another. Seeing parents as more than mom and dad is odd and slightly terrifying because for 18 or so years, that’s how we best understood them. Now they are equals and mentors who simply want us to grow, laugh, and learn.