Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
Has anyone else ever noticed this? When you walk into the Health Center, minding your own business, trying to get some condoms out of the little wicker baskets…ther purple and red ones are always on top. Never the yellow or green ones. It’s always mostly purple, with some red. Every time. This has led me to a startling, but obvious, conclusion: Male Ducks have been showing their school spirits through their choice of dick jackets. And now, we’re all out of those colors down at the Center. So now the question is: Will the boys hold out until Duck condoms are restocked, or will they cave and do the nasty while wearing Huskie or Cardinal colors? This is definitely going to be amusing to watch.
Send your sex and relationship questions to [email protected]. I’m not a doctor or a counselor, not do I know where to order condoms with “GO DUCKS” emblazoned on them. Just get it on while your game face paint is still on. Be an adult.
My best friend’s been spending a lot of time talking online with her ex-boyfriend, who I think is a total loser. He still lives in their hometown, isn’t going to college and doesn’t have any ambition to go to college. Meanwhile she’s double-majoring in these really hard subjects, and doing super well. Why the heck is she so attracted to this guy? I don’t understand it.—Concerned About Her
The answer to this is also the reason why brilliant, chaming guys go for women who are nitwits: People with high ambitions are often highly insecure. Sure, your friend may be successful in the eyes of the world. But she’s probably doubts her own sex appeal a lot, because her success separates her from everyone else. For women especially, success can work as a sex repellant. Folks assume that she’ll reject them, that they’re not good enough to be with her. Or even worse, they assume that she’s demanding or a genuine bitch. So these girls often go to the dregs of the Desperado Ocean for reassurance, to find someone that will give them the attention and affection they’re craving. The fact that your friend’s done a scuba dive down to the bottom of the Ocean to relocate her ex confirms this.
With any luck, your friend will soon see how different the ambitions of her and her boyfriend are, and the intrigue will come to a close. If it doesn’t after a while, and her own ambitions start to waver, then you step in and give her the Concerned Friend Speech. Everyone has the right to make their own mistakes. But when your friend starts messing up her own life in order to synchronize with that of her low-ambition ex, then it’s time to step in.
I’ve recently had to deal with something really weird: My boss has started to come on to me. Like saying I look nice every single day, looking at me for a long time. Just a general creepy vibe. But then he also does typical straight-guy stuff with me, like talking about how hot his wife is. We work in a big group setting, and I don’t really know what to do. Is this sexual harassment? Or is it just me being paranoid?—The Only Guy In The World
Okay, I want you to start thinking back. When did you first start seeing this behavior from your boss? When you first started working there? After you started working and proving yourself at work? There’s a big chance this guy is only being affectionate to you because he likes you as a person, or because he wants to groom you to advance ahead of everyone else at your job. A lot of straight guys, unfortunately, struggle with how they can show affection to other straight guys without being seen as gay. Your boss might be one of these awkward types.
But you absolutely can’t rule out the idea that your boss could be harboring a crush for you. If he expresses it at work, or makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, you absolutely should not hesitate to report it. I don’t give a shit that you’re a guy and he’s a guy-he’s in a power position and you’re not, so he shouldn’t get away with anything. Put this guy under what police call an Observation Period. Listen to your guy instinct, and decide for yourself whether this guy is a confused hetero who genuinely likes you or a genuine creeped. I’m not at your work, so I can’t decide that for you. You have to put out your feelers and read the signals.
I’ve been wanting to get my first vibrator for a while now, but I’m not really sure how to go about buying one. I’m too embarassed to go into a store and get one myself, so I’m kinda stuck on what to do. Any suggestions?—Secretly Dirty Lady
This is such a common problem. It’s so normal to be embarassed when buying your first sex toy. This is such a personal thing that you’re buying, and mainstream media tends to be a bit prudish about the, ahem, places of purchasing. My advice: if you’re truly that embarrassed that you can’t go into a store (which I don’t blame you for being, Eugene is a relatively small town), order online. It’s become pretty standard practice for online erotic stores to ship things in plain packaging. They’ve planned ahead for folks like you, so no worries.
You seem to really promote S&M. How do you legitimize the fact that all of BDSM is ABUSE?? It’s people hitting and humiliating each other and just causing each other pain. I don’t see any any good that can come from it. You should be ashamed of yourself.—No Bruises, Please
Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. I’m not ashamed for promoting BDSM, just like the people who sell meat at the supermarket don’t feel bad about health problems that inevitably come to people who eat nothing but red meat. Why? Because like red meat, BDSM can be very healthy if used in the right way and in the right setting. I acknowledge that for some people, BDSM isn’t a choice they’re comfortable with. That’s okay. That doesn’t make these non-BDSMers less “cool” than the people with cuffs in the drawer and whips under the bed. That just means that they’re not turned on or sexually relieved by BDSM. And that’s fine.
The line that you’re referring to between BDSM and sexual abuse is, in ideal situations, broad and thick. When experimenting with BDSM, partners ideally take care to acquire consent and loving permission from all partners involved. Otherwise things realistically could spiral out of control. But this is why safe words exist. That is why discussions between partners about limits happen over pizza and wine before the foreplay. You’re seeing BDSM as this horrible underworld of sex, violence and dirty underwear. While it might look that way to people who aren’t into it, Bruises, for those that are, it’s a wonderful, healthy thing.
Just a footnote: If your partner is committing violent, humiliating or hurtful acts against you without your consent, this is abuse. It does not matter if it is under the guise of ‘being into BDSM’ — there must be consent from all persons involved in the sexual or pre-sexual act. If you believe you have been a victim or abuse, contact the ASUO Women’s Center, Counseling Center, or the Heallth Center on campus. There will be resources available to help you cope post-event and help you figure out yur next move.
 
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: We are beginning and ending this week with condoms. According to a study recently discussed in Slate magazine, women with more financial resources are more likely to use condoms with their partners than those who do not. Yes, not everyone has access to free condoms on a daily business, kids. And lately, findings suggest that with ladies, condom use goes up when they’re not totally financially dependant on their partners for resources. When they are, usage goes down. Does this mean that wage equality inadvertently leads to more shagging AND less overpopulation? Dude, I’d shill out for that.