Put on your suits and phony smiles, dear readers, for Mr. Lang is chalked full of industry tidbits.
BMG, one of the five major record companies (weren’t we all getting tired of all those extra labels, anyway?), is going to create a quasi ratings system for those albums with pesky swears and slurs. No plans right now for anything like a “PG-13” and “R,” but labels with the so-often-effective “parental advisory” stickers will expound on exactly what makes it a no-no for virgin ears. Does it have strong language or violent language? Will these songs feature sexual content? Now you’ll know. The new label will premiere on the maybe-not-so-long-awaited “May Day” by rapper Lady May, due in late July.
Let’s do lunch, lovey.
Napster is defunct — again. After two weeks of CEO departures and returns, financial straits and bailouts, the company finally turned to Chapter 11 on Monday. For all you dorm-ites holding out hope for a Napsterrection — stop.
Staying in the legal realm — The Chicago Sun Times reports that R. Kelly was indicted in Chicago on Wednesday on 21 counts of child pornography for allegedly soliciting and enticing a 14-year-old girl to perform sex acts with him on videotape.

Kelly was arrested by police at his home in Davenport, Fla., as he was preparing to leave his house and rent a car to drive back to Chicago, authorities said.
Anonymous sources originally gave the tape to the paper, and its editors turned over the tape to police, who then sent it to the FBI. After all that postage, the FBI deemed the tape authentic. Kelly said the tape is a fake.
The ink on the contract for second season of “The Osbournes” has just dried, and not surprisingly, the marketing campaign is ready to press the flesh and the pocketbook. Last month, basic products like T-shirts and mugs hit shelves, but more items, including backpacks, trading cards and watches, will be everywhere from K-Mart to Toys R Us in the next month or two.
Put up your umbrella, dear readers: Lightning round!
The Strokes, which Mr. Lang loathes, will play a five-night stretch on tour with Weezer, which Mr. Lang loves. No word yet on how Mr. Lang will solve this moral issue.
The Eels will release July 8 the soon-to-be under-appreciated “Electro-Shock Blues Show,” a live album to accompany the already under-appreciated “Electro-Shock Blues” studio album.
Drummer Matt Chamberlain is subbing for Butch Vig on Garbage‘s tour while Vig recovers from an ear infection.
Underfunded rap moguls Jay-Z and Russell Simmons will demonstrate in New York City this week, protesting the city’s plans to cut funding to public schools.
Blondie comeback II. After the 1999 “No Exit,” look out for “Drive.”
Bosom buddies Johnny Cash and Rick Rubin are dotting the Is and crossing the Ts on Cash’s next album, “American IV: When the Man Comes Around,” the pair’s fourth recording collaboration. Cash has recorded 26 songs, 13 to 14 of which will be on the tentative September release.
Bjork‘s upcoming greatest hits compilation, also slated for a September release, will feature fan favorites. Web mavens voted on Bjork’s homepage for what tracks they want, and the person who voted closest to the final set list will win prizes — probably eerie prizes.
1998 must have stopped calling, because Marilyn Manson bassist Twiggy Ramirez has left. Ramirez co-wrote some of Manson’s biggest hits, including “The Dope Show” and “The Beautiful People.” In perhaps the best irony of the year, Manson released a dumbfoundingly unshocking statement that he and Ramirez split as a result of creative differences.
Finally, a tip-of-the-hat kudos to Dave the dapper Depper, your Pulse columnist for most of this year. Mr. Lang appreciated that anyone took over his column after he jumped the jetliner for the eastern corner, but he was relieved and overjoyed that Dapper Depper was the one to do it. In commemoration, Mr. Lang offers his coveted final-plug spot to Eugene band Wallace. They’re good. Go see them if and when they play.
With that, dear readers, Mr. Lang retires for another year with his usual advice: Go see a show, but don’t scream out song requests unless the band asks. They have a set list for a reason. Have a great summer.