I think I set unrealistic expectations for myself after I picked up my bass for the first time. Holding the Fender P-bass sent a jolt of pipedreams and relentlessly impractical daydreams up my spine, setting unsustainable expectations for myself from the jump. For the first few weeks, I played nearly every day. I felt unstoppable.

However, as I should’ve expected, my playing rate has plummeted since then. You could chalk it up to a few different things, but one factor that greatly contributed to this downtick in playing time is my sometimes unrealistic desire to be great at something right away. 
For all of my life, I have been a perfectionist, which for those that know me may come as a surprise. Let me explain myself. A hindering trait that comes with my perfectionism is a constant, overwhelming fear of failure. It was much worse in years past than it is now, but this fear still shows face every once in a while. While most perfectionists work at something until it is perfect in their eyes, I do the opposite: I quit. It’s a toxic mindset to have, and I’ve felt it slowly creeping back into the fold with my bass playing.

In the past couple years though, as this habit of mine gradually trickled its way into every facet of my life, I have worked hard to resist perfectionism. It has affected my relationships, academics and overall passion for life. I almost flunked out of school out of fear of failing my homework assignments (oh, the irony) and I held myself to such a ridiculously high standard socially that I would find any excuse to not socialize. I can now proudly say that I have been on the dean’s list for three consecutive quarters and my crippling social anxiety has improved drastically.

But just as I had thought I was free of this harmful form of perfectionism, it has seeped its way into my life in a new fashion. My consistent bass practice regimen I had established has practically vanished. I still play a couple times per week, but when I do, I’m met with frustration over my lack of improvement. 

But why is this happening? I’m supposed to be learning the bass merely as a hobby, so why am I putting so much pressure on myself to be immediately great? 
Maybe I’m experiencing subconscious pressure from my busy academic and work schedule. To be fair, I’m taking 16 credits and working roughly 20 hours per week, and most times when I come home all I want to do is lay down and succumb to the comfort of my bed and the next episode of “Breaking Bad”. But that can’t be it, because most times I play the bass I leave feeling content and often proud of myself. I used to be able to fit all of that into my schedule and feel stress-free. What has changed?
Another trait I possess that actually contradicts my perfectionism is that once I reach a certain level of skill at something, I get complacent. For a good month and a half, I meticulously listened to dozens of my favorite bass lines until I could play them myself (even the most difficult ones, like “The Smoke” by The Smile). I also spent hours and hours watching YouTube videos, learning each note on each fret, shortcuts to difficult bass lines and tactics to move my fingers up and down the fretboard in a fast and comfortable manner. Once I developed enough of an understanding of these skills, I assumed that I would retain them regardless of any sudden change in my playing routine. Silly me.

Shockingly, my bass playing skills have begun to plateau. Who would’ve guessed that playing significantly less than I used to would delay my improvement as a bass player? Not me apparently. Despite this plateau in skill and practice, I have the same burning desire to be a competent bass player that I had when I first started. In order to do that, though, I need to hold myself accountable to actually practice. Not because it’s a chore, but because it’s something I love to do.