I don’t watch a lot of television. Occasionally some Comedy Central at a friend’s house, an odd episode of “The Simpsons,” some CNN for kicks or the Fox News channel for laughs. That about sums it up. Never seen an episode of “Survivor.” Never sat through “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,” “Fear Factor” or “The West Wing.” The intricate human dramas of “The O.C.” and “Smallville” remain unseen by these eyes.
Is this some sort of statement? Maybe some rebellion against the homogenization of society? Will I be living in a shack in Montana by the end of the year, typing poorly spelled anti-authoritarian manifestos and mumbling incoherent phrases about the Industrial Revolution? I doubt it, as would anyone who has spent winter gnawing undercooked squirrel meat in a poorly insulated wooden structure in the middle of the woods. Eventually you lose your revolutionary zeal and return to a comfortable life of warm food, toilet paper and shampoo. But I digress.
So why this fatwa against television? Not malice, for sure, and certainly not some kind of intellectual pretense, as I’ve never really seen myself as “too good” for anything, except maybe UPN. It might have something to do with the fact that my television doesn’t pick up any channels, but if I were really serious about it I could fix that problem in a few minutes using nothing but copper wire and duct tape like McGyver. No, the solution is not that simple.
It might have something to do with the fact that I find most of what I see on television to be insufferably boring crap of the most questionable entertainment value. Yeah, that might be it. Television today suffers from the fact that it is essentially an advertising supplement and programmers are more interested in getting viewers than creating anything of quality, substance or artistic merit. Not that this is any better or worse than before. Some people have this odd belief that society in general is degrading and that somehow if we all pull together we can make it better and more like it used to be.
This strikes me as a suspicious assumption, especially when talking about television. There is a lot of talk about the beloved shows of the past like “The Honeymooners,” “I Love Lucy,” “The Gong Show,” etc. Because these shows are talked about so much they are taken as the programming norm for that era. The majority of programming is forgotten because the majority of programming sucked. Tell me how “The Love Connection” is any better or worse than “Joe Millionaire.” Is “7th Heaven” of more or less cultural importance than “The Beverly Hillbillies”? Do you remember “My Mother the Car”? Have you ever sat through an episode of “Hee Haw”?
What I am getting at is the idea that television has always been bad. It tends to reflect the worst values of society, and our worst values have remained pretty awful for quite a long time. So, having lost all hope for television, I make no effort to watch it. I will watch on occasion, but I don’t go out of my way to do so. This might seem like an odd choice for someone who has chosen to write about entertainment, but I’m more concerned about my sanity than my career. And if you can prove to me that television as a whole can and will give anything positive to our culture, I might be willing to reassess my opinion. Until then, the only serious television I’m going to take in will be through indirect methods, i.e. old “The Twilight Zone” and “Mystery Science Theater 3000” DVDs. That’s about it.
Hope you all come back now, you hear?