Track 1: Don’t worry, I’m not going to do what everybody thinks I’m going to do, which is just flip out.
The sports movie connoisseur immediately knows that line is from “Jerry Maguire.” And this track isn’t a memo, it’s a mission statement.
Right now, the Eugene media is pulling a Jerry Maguire and just flipping out over the Luke Ridnour/Luke Jackson story. We all know the tale. Young basketball players declare early for draft. Town mourns loss. People jump off buildings.
KEZI sports anchor Mark Larson practically cried on Tuesday night’s news. If you can call it news, because according to Larson, “We have confirmation tonight that Luke Ridnour is leaving Oregon early for the NBA, a decision he is expected to make public this Thursday or Friday.”
Confirmation. Hmmm. Of course, that came after news anchor Rick Dancer’s introduction, where he told us “I got a message on my answering machine about this at about 4 o’clock today. A friend of mine is friends with someone who’s connected…” and then he trailed off. You know, I have a friend of a friend of a friend who’s connected in at Kansas, and he says Kirk Heinrich missed that last shot of the title game because Heinrich’s got mob connections and he didn’t want KU to cover the spread. Can you believe that?
Larson and the rest of the Eugene media need to step off the window sill. Even if Luke and Luke declare for the draft this week, neither is likely to hire an agent, which means both have the option to pull out of the draft at any time until seven days before the draft in late June. That’s what Arizona’s Jason Gardner did last year.
So the big story more like a bedtime tale, for sleeping only. It’s going to be a long time before we actually know whether or not Luke and Luke are going. But if I might digress into an ombudsman moment here, you won’t see a story in the Emerald (other than my random thoughts, which nobody cares about anyway) without a quote from a Luke. We don’t have any “unconfirmed sources” at the Athletic Department, and we won’t make ’em up.
Unless I hear something from the guy who hands me my towel at the Rec Center.
Kidding.
So when you hear later this week that Luke and Luke are declaring for the NBA Draft, stop before you put that rat poison in your Busch Light. Put it back under the sink, and save it for later. And go watch “Jerry Maguire,” because as you know, the human head weighs eight pounds.
Track 2: He laughed, he cried, he swore, and now Roy Williams is back at North Carolina. I had the privilege of crowding around Coach Williams last year at the NCAA Tournament for quotes, and it’s all true. He’s a nice-as-apple-pie type guy.
But if I’m a UNC fan right now, I don’t want Roy Williams rolling into Chapel Hill. I mean, the man has been to four Final Fours, two title games and still doesn’t have a ring fancier than a wedding band. Eeesh. Good luck Heels.
Track 3: Michael Jordan’s retiring, and what I’ll miss most are the commercials. Seriously. Early in his career, there were the edgy Spike Lee joints. Then there were the Jordan-Bird “off the light, through the rafters, off the scorer’s table, nothing but net” classics. Then there were the “Everybody wants to be like Mike” Gatorade commercials. And this year, we’ve gotten the “Gladiator”-like slow motion stuff capping his entire career and the Wizards MJ vs. Bulls MJ classic. Hopefully they’ll start rolling out Jordan Viagra and Jordan denture cream commercials in the coming years.
And that’s that. A measly three tracks. Oh well. I’m off to go picket at the Lukes’ house for the next few months. Who’s coming with me? Who’s coming with me besides…Flipper…here?