Have you ever heard the phrase “nothing in life is free”? I remember when I first heard it. I wanted to respond with, “But … we’re in America. It’s ‘the land of the free’! Right? … Right?!”
Well, wrong in that sense. But, I have come a long way since the day before I started college. Now, I am a full three days wiser, and, as I’d like to think of it, I’m becoming less of a freshman by the second.

Perhaps the idea is right. But … but I’m a college student! College expenses brought my obsession with free things upon me! And I’m pretty sure they have brought it upon others as well. Why else would students feel the need to hand out hot chocolate in the morning near the EMU on the first day of school for no charge? Why else would Best Buy hand out free headphones to some people who stopped by the stand? Why else would a man on the sidewalk say to me “free barbeque later today”? (and the card even said, “There is such a thing as a free lunch. You’re invited.”) Not that I’m complaining.

Quite the opposite. I’m loving it. It sounds awful because I know what’s free for me comes at the expense of others. But being bombarded by free stuff is my idea of perfect day. Every day, I hope my day will pan out to be like this:

As I’m walking through the EMU to get to class, I see that Craft Center members just happen to be making 7 carat diamonds in their spare time, and they give me one to keep me quiet about what I saw. When I reach my classroom, I find out that one of my writing pieces won me a Pulitzer Prize – not even one of my better ones – and then receive prize money, which no longer puts pressure on me to cash in my diamond.

I leave class with a shindig similar to the scene in “500 Days of Summer” going on around me until I arrive at Carson Hall, where I purchase a ticket allowing me to get free food for all four years at the UO. My popularity escalates suddenly after this; it must be my good looks finally kicking in, or something. People invite me to all of their parties — and it’s not like I have to go to school, because I’m already getting free As on all of my assignments.
How do you think your bombardment of free stuff day would turn out?