I am a superior coach/player and I will win the national championship this season.
With all of the talk about Oregon and its No. 13 ranking in the first BCS poll, I think it is time to point out my success. Without tooting my own horn, I remain undefeated. I didn’t lose to top-ranked USC. In fact, I came up with a game-winning touchdown in the final minute to seal the Trojans’ fate. And the other games were cakewalks.
I do want to make one thing clear, the only icing I do after a game is on my thumbs. I am tough, but so is each and every team I play.
Well… let me back up a bit. I play NCAA Football on my Playstation2 every week. My ritual is to play whomever the Ducks are playing that week in a pre-game game. I have been doing it for years, and I have been winning for years.
It began as a young boy’s passion for the sport of football. The night before each game, my best friend and I would sit down and battle it out. In the end, Mighty Oregon would rout whichever team it would play and the excitement would carry over to the next day’s game.
I have played some three-plus hour games at all times of the night, usually ending with more than 1,000 yards of total offense and nearly 75 points. And the nice thing is when I am running low on time, I pick how long I want the game to go.
I can remember this one game last year. I swear my offense couldn’t move down the field late in the fourth quarter. I went three and out on three consecutive possessions, while my friend erased a two-touchdown deficit to take the lead. Down by five and with less than a minute to play, I turned the ball over. Son of a bi… I was so pissed! But I didn’t give up. He wanted to rub my face in it. Two plays later he was in my red zone. A smart-ass comment and one play later, I had intercepted the ball and returned it to the 15-yard line. I knew I could do it. It didn’t matter that the win was 85 yards away and the clock was under 20 seconds. I had no time-outs, so I had to let it fly.
“Forget the prevent, why don’t you blitz, wimp,” I hollered.
That was all I needed because guess who caught the ball, outran the defense and won the game in the final seconds? That’s right, I did.
Two nights ago I played Arizona and it didn’t start out so well. I overlooked them and before I was able to turn back, I was down 21-7. Three times an Arizona receiver had gotten behind my defense for a long touchdown. I knew what I had to do: Establish the run.
I used my running back on nearly every down for an entire possession, working down to tie the game. I even went on to force the run, which in turn, brought eight or nine defenders into the box. Thank you. A play-action pass later, the game was tied with 32 seconds remaining. I did force a three and out, had a shot at a 51-yard field goal as time ran out, but I pulled a Florida State and missed it wide right.
Both teams missed long field goals in the first overtime, I ran the ball each time on a three-play touchdown drive in the second OT, and I picked off an errant pass to seal the 28-21 victory. Great comeback, but I should have be on my ‘A’ game.
Now, I want the Ducks to continue to be successful and garner all the praise and spotlight. But it isn’t fair when a one-loss team gets more attention than an undefeated. It is time to give me my props and until I lose, cheer for me to represent the Ducks in the Rose Bowl. That is the kind of fun I have.
Playing NCAA Football is all the craze now. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, as long as you know the difference between a triangle, square, circle and X. Even Oregon has a simulated version of its upcoming game each week on its website.
I have played countless games and won every time. It doesn’t matter if it is a blowout or a barnburner down to the final possession. I have come up with game-saving picks in the end zone in the closing seconds and three-quarters of the field bombs over the defensive backs outstretched arms on a hail mary.
In the end I finish with a ‘W’ and if it looks like I won’t, then I hit that little button on the back that restarts the game.
Because it doesn’t count as a loss if it hasn’t gone final.

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