Biology freshman Jeff Frawley has been with his significant other for two years. They both are from Minnesota, but after they graduated from high school, it was off to separate colleges. Frawley attends the University of Oregon, while his girlfriend studies in Wisconsin.
Now that they’ve spent three weeks apart, Frawley said his girlfriend “worries too much.” Frawley describes himself as dedicated to her, but at the same time, he says he’s going to have a good time in college.
“I don’t think I’ll have any problem staying with her,” Frawley said. “She calls and checks up on me daily. I like to hear her voice.”
After all, as the 19th century poet Thomas Haynes Bayly wrote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” But then again, German monk Thomas á Kempis wrote, “When he is out of sight, also is he out of mind,” some 400 years earlier.
And although dedicated, Frawley said he wouldn’t want to be a selfish boyfriend.
“If she meets someone else, then I’ll be okay with it,” Frawley said. “It’s better than waiting around four years for me.”
A strong base of friendship and communication is what Frawley believes will keep him and his girlfriend together.
He is not alone. One-third of the patients visiting the University Counseling Center recognize relationships as an issue of concern, said counselor Ron Miyaguchi. Miyaguchi said freshmen in particular have to deal with the transition to college life, which includes the topic of relationships.
Freshman art major Serena Washington’s approach differs from Frawley’s. Washington decided she should sever all ties before beginning the monumental transition into college. Washington dated her boyfriend for a year and three months. After spending a “great day together” on their 15-month anniversary, she ended the relationship.
“We need to experience new people,” Washington said. “I don’t want to regret anything later. It has to be done.”
But Washington sees herself dating her former-boyfriend again in the future. She believes their relationship will be better later on because they will both know there is no one else for them.
Of course, there are many incoming freshmen who have no loose ends at home and are looking for love in college. Biology freshman Pamela Greywal said she looks forward to meeting people who don’t date the stereotypical “Barbie girl.”
“It’s going to be easier meeting people in college because there aren’t the cliques that there were in high school,” Greywal said. “There are so many different people out there looking for so many different things.”
Freshman architecture major T.J. Bates also has no romantic ties back home. He simply wants to “meet a ton of people.”
Bates said he comes from a small high school where the dating scene was much tougher than in college.
“In high school you develop a personality, whether that’s skater, prep, whatever. I knew what all the girls thought of me in high school,” Bates said. He is looking forward to the dating scene in college, where he believes he can reinvent himself.
“I’ve met a girl already,” Bates said. “With all the parties (during college), it’s easy to meet someone you click with.”
Bates doesn’t want a long-term relationship in his first year. He said only “the perfect girl” could make him get serious. What “the perfect girl” is, he couldn’t say.
None of these students say they really know what the future holds for their relationships. Miyaguchi said the transition period can be a stressful time for students. Whether people are hanging on or letting go of their loved ones, the best thing to do, Miyaguchi said, is to talk about relationship issues with people, whether that’s family, friends, peers or the Counseling Center.