Stephanie Yang/Emerald

I have many fears in life; rejection, failure, giving up caffeine, mayonnaise and feet being my current top five. So, imagine my horror when spring rolled around and half of this school’s population respawned in the same dingy, brown pair of flip-flops.

With the sudden insurgence of open-toed shoes, even during relatively chilly and soggy Oregon days, I can’t help but be curious as to what compels Floppers to invest in such pointless footwear.

My first and best-supported theory is what I like to call the “Californian Turned Duck Theory.” Within this framework, students who grew up used to balmy weather, dry pavement and foot-forward culture come to Oregon and fail to adjust to our shoe norms.

San Francisco native and freshman Jonah Olin said, “It’s not healthy to have your toes enclosed. Wearing narrow shoes changes the shape of your foot over time. It’s also easier to take off flip-flops when you want to walk around and get some ‘foot on earth time.’”

The ease of being able to hop in and out of your shoes as you please sounds tempting, but if you’re above the age of four, taking your shoes on and off should take less than a minute. Sandals provide an unnecessary convenience.

Despite the luxury of feeling the cool breeze on your toes, flip-flops expose you to the elements,  coating your feet in grime and all of the nasty, indistinguishable substances residing on UO’s sidewalks.

Floppers, somehow, see no cleanliness issues. “I actually think it’s grosser to have your feet covered because it accumulates smell and humidity. Soil is not dirty… and stepping in grosser substances is a mechanical issue; You have to watch where you step. Flip-flops promote care and a sense of responsibility for where you are in time and place,” Olin contested.

At the same time, there is a reason why restaurants and hospitals outlaw open-toed shoes. They are plain unhygienic. If we deem it unsafe for fast food employees to go sockless, for what reason should I accept you doing so in our 8 a.m.?

Another confusing component of Flopper rationale is the complete ignorance of weather. While still gross, I understand the appeal of open-toed shoes in the heat, but when it’s 60 and cloudy, there is no point. The rest of us sane people keep perfectly cool in real shoes, so why choose to commit the fashion sin of sporting sandals with full-length pants? That, I’ll never understand.

“If it’s cold and rainy in Oregon and you’re wearing sandals, I have to ask, ‘Why are your feet out in the sog? What do you gain other than forcing the rest of us to make eye contact with your feet?’” first-year Mara Friedman asked.

Fashion-wise, some wearers see no issue and value their shoes beyond utility. They said it, not me.

Olin said, “I think there is a fashionable component in wearing flip-flops. It’s a ‘this is who I am’ kind of thing. Unfortunately, right now, the only pair [I have] are bath flip-flops with holes in them, but it’s basically a conduit for being barefoot.”

Even if you desire the closest alternative to a barefoot lifestyle, move on from your caveman ways and abandon those filthy flip-flops. This campus is strictly for ducks so, please, keep your dogs on a leash.