People, let’s face it. When nature is calling, you pick up the phone, but that doesn’t mean the call must be collect. In other words, why pay the price of just an average restroom? Unfortunately, the common student in a tight squeeze doesn’t have the time to be picky about his or her washroom.To solve this problem, we embarked across campus on a scientific mission to find a clean latrine. Our advanced criteria for judging the common water closet were:

• overall cleanliness
• stall quality and quantity
• condition of supplies
• availability of paper towels or air dryers
• quality of mirrors
• safety
• style of urinal (for men)

As part of our survey, we dropped by 12 bathrooms for men and women in various buildings on campus. It should be noted that this is a very small sample of campus commodes. So, to compensate, we strove to examine the most accessible latrines in buildings used frequently by students. These buildings include, but are not limited to, Chapman Hall, Gilbert Hall, the EMU and Johnson Hall.
The bathrooms in the EMU gallery are clean, well-stocked and ample-sized. The mirrors are way above par, providing support for vain patrons. For the women, there is a comfy chair to make potential waits more pleasant. The men’s room has ample urinals, but they do lack a certain privacy.

But you should have plenty of privacy in Gilbert Hall because we assume that the number of people who actually find the bathrooms is very small. If you do get there, they are cramped, and the yellow tile doesn’t hide the grime. The “push”-model sinks only allow you a few seconds of flow per push. If there were more than two people in the room, you wouldn’t be able to find a mirror. Some other things you might not be able to find are extra supplies.
And you may want to bring supplies into the bathrooms downstairs in Johnson Hall — food supplies, so you can prolong your stay. However, they definitely pre-date political correctness, as is apparent by the disparity between the men’s and women’s rooms. The men’s is large with marble floors and walls. The urinals are large, old models with plenty of privacy. The stalls have wood doors with brass “vacant/occupied” signs. The only thing lacking was substantial mirrors. But the lack of a female president has apparently drained the urge to create such a shrine in the ladies’ counterpart. One stall lacked a seat, and the narrow entryway would not accommodate a “flush rush.”
Narrow is a word that pretty much sums up Deady Hall, the oldest building on campus. Like Gilbert, the bathrooms are very difficult to find. We actually walked by one without knowing it. Also, the men’s room and women’s room aren’t in close proximity to one another. We’re not even sure there was a bathroom exclusively for women. All we could find for women was a unisex room, a large room the size of most double residence hall rooms on campus. The men’s room, hid in the basement, is a cramped, yellow room. It was probably, at one time, some sort of service room judging by the huge wash basin that we encountered upon entrance.
The bathrooms we’ve described represent some of the best and worst the University has to offer. But we don’t want to shower you with false impressions. In truth, none of the University lavatories are unacceptably foul; some are just better than others. But the next time that morning coffee is starting to move toward the lower regions, you might take a minute before the red lights go off and find some good accommodations.