And I thought Disneyland was out of this world.
If Disneyland is a land for the imagination that brings out the kid in you, the Oregon Country Fair is an entire universe of fantasy that …
You see, that’s just it. The Oregon Country Fair cannot be explained. Maybe it’s my own limitations as a writer, but I know when I’m beat.
I guess if Disneyland brings out the imaginative kid in you, the fair makes that kid want to tear his clothes off, dance naked around the fair and move to the beat of the drum.
Everyone kept telling me that you can’t describe the fair, but in the same breath they’d tell me that I had to go.
The look in a persons’ eyes when talking about the fair is almost as indescribable as the fair itself. When a person tells you about the fair — if you haven’t been that is — it’s as if they made a trip to Mars for the weekend, chummed up with a few Martians and came back with a little piece of the planet that they’ll never lose.
And to think, I almost went three summers in town without going to the fair. The last two years I was out of town. This year I tried to weasel my way out of it because I’d just assume spend my life in my cave.
Thankfully, I have good friends, and if you have any intention of not going to the fair at least once during your time here, I hope you have good friends, too.
So if you missed the fair this year or you’re just looking for something to read to keep the magic alive, here’s my humble attempt to describe it. But just remember, you can’t even begin to talk about the fair until you’ve been there.
There are many themes to the Oregon Country Fair. Aside from the fairy fantasy world that sucks you in faster than the thirty minutes it takes to get there, there’s great music, tasty food and awesome crafts galore. And amazingly, they are all reasonably priced.
The fair is not like the airport where they know your trapped, so they charge you $5 for a piece a pizza. It’s a portal to fantasy, run by an amazing group of people who have one thing and one thing only on their minds: making sure that you have your best day of the summer. Okay, maybe they’re also thinking about the insane after-party they’re all gonna have when we public types leave.

When you arrive, you enter through a row of these staff members in fair shirts, and they all wave at you and smile, welcoming you into their world. Before you even set foot inside the fairgrounds, you’ll hear at least a half-dozen times, “Happy fair!”
Sunday being my first and only fair experience, I entered through those gates with one glaring misconception: For some reason I thought that the map of the grounds gives you any chance in heaven of finding your way around. People had told me that the entire fair is a huge maze, but I didn’t believe them. I figured I had a map. I have a good sense of direction. I can find my way.
I couldn’t find a thing. I was supposed to meet some of my friends from work at one of the stages, but I didn’t find them. I thought I went to the right place, but for all I know I was on the complete other end of the grounds.
The maze that is the fairgrounds is much cooler than anything in “Alice in Wonderland,” “The Shining” or “Labyrinth.” It’s huge. It’s surrounded by crazy vines, trees and people, and at every turn of the corner there’s a different performer, another kind of food to eat and distinct crafts in little shops.
But for some reason, as long as you keep walking around you’ll pop out into some part of the grounds that you remember. That’s what the fair is all about: don’t worry, be happy and everything will be fairtastic.
Another theme the fair is all about is the costumes. may not have the money that Disney has, but what they lack in funds they make up for in creativity. And the best part is anyone is invited to show up at the fair dressed in any way they please.
I went in a skirt because I’ve always wanted to wear one, but at the fair I was just another guy wearing a dress. I saw one man dressed up like he was a bride. Another woman had an amazing dragonfly costume, and I even saw a man in a make-shift Superman costume.

What seemed to be the most popular costume didn’t consist of any clothes at all. Many woman choose to go to the fair topless, and many of them paint their breasts with different patterns. I have only one thing to say about this: You go, girls. I wouldn’t say that seeing these women was any better than a man in a bee costume or a woman dressed and acting like a clown, but I think it’s pretty awesome that we have a place where gender roles are obliterated.
Don’t worry, be happy and everything will be fairtastic. The fair is the kind of place where a woman can wear what she wants — or doesn’t want — and she doesn’t have to worry about being an outcast. At the fair, she’s just another woman without a shirt.