I passed through East 17th Avenue toward Patterson recently on my way to class, and while carefully watching the ground I spotted something. It was a half-empty pack of Marlboro menthols: That was strange. Then, next to the pack, I noticed crude red lettering staining the fragmented pavement. It read: “Too many potholes.” I furiously stormed off, tripped and fell in the road, got back up and stormed off again.

It’s time I break my silence. I actually think there aren’t enough potholes in Eugene. I like potholes. I think they’re nice.

I also want to address the author of the crudely left message. Vandalism is illegal, and you’re a horrible person who should go to jail. How does it feel, criminal?

People love to vilify potholes, even in pop culture. Small artist Tyler, the Creator went as far as to dedicate a slander tape to them in his song “Pothole.” Consider the impact Tyler, the Creator has had on your life. Now, consider how involved potholes have been in your living experience. Exactly, he and the mysterious vandal should consider this before beginning their next smear campaign.

Quite honestly, those complaining about potholes need to examine the real holes in their life: the ones in their family relationships. You haven’t called home in weeks, and you’re worried about these whimsical little gaps in the ground? That’s interesting; maybe examine the gaps in your family’s quality time. They miss you. They talk about you to me all the time.

Complaints about potholes damaging vehicles are so played out. If you don’t have the money to replace tires or fix your alignment invariably and repeatedly, consider getting your money up. It’s the holes in your pockets you need to worry about.

Reluctantly, I admit it’s important to understand the misconceptions and bias Eugene residents have toward potholes. So, I boldly interrogated residents near particularly pothole-blessed roads.

Joe Naughton, a third-year student living near Patterson street, said, “The roads around here are uneven, to say the least. I’ve been in Eugene for a few years so I know where not to drive to avoid potholes, but I’m sure it’s rough on people that are new to here.” First of all, that was rude. If you don’t have anything nice to say about the roads in Eugene don’t say anything. That’s verbatim how the saying goes, I’m told. Second, you say you’ve been around a few years? So have the potholes, buddy. They’ve cemented themselves into the grains of this neighborhood. What gives you the authority to want them gone? I fear colonialism rears its ugly head once again.

Surely the local skaters would have more agreeable ideals and maybe even compromise with the concrete. “I’ve tried to longboard through here, 17th, and just decided to pick up my board and walk instead. The road’s that bad,” second-year Dennis Pottratz said. Why must the blame always be directed at the potholes of the road? We must consider the possibility this person is just bad at boarding. Perhaps he is even jealous of the potholes.

“I think people wanting the potholes to be cleaned up [are] playing right into the hands of ‘big pavement,’” third-year Joseph Klym said. “Keep your eyes open and on the road.” With the information I’ve gathered before me, and shackled by powers above my station, I cannot at this time soundly endorse or refute this claim. I present it as a mere proposition to engage in thinking outside of the box for this topic.

Pavement propaganda has become increasingly problematic, and residents in the area took notice. “They sent out flyers in the neighborhood last spring saying they would pave over roads — like 15th to 17th — but when I came back in September nothing had changed,” third-year Patrick Evans said. “Following up on promises to pave roads should be a priority in my opinion.” Frankly, I’m glad you were lied to. You never even gave the potholes a chance.

The city is not responsible for claims the city made. It would be disastrous if those living in Eugene more actively filed online reports of potholes in their residential area. Using the phone number 541-682-4800 (available from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m., Monday through Friday) as another means to request road repairs would be incredibly unjust to the voiceless potholes.

There’s nothing worse for a community than people within the community voicing their perspectives on how to better their everyday surroundings.