I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable lately when my roommate has loud sex, what should I do? I feel uncomfortable confronting them about it.

• Loud Roommate

Roommate issues will exist till the dawn of time: messy rooms, dirty dishes and of course loud noises! What you are dealing with is something many people deal with. You may be laying on your soft bed trying to fall asleep, and then you hear bed creaks through the walls and faint moaning. It may even be loud moaning. Now you are annoyed and can’t fall asleep. How to approach this issue depends on the comfortability you have with your roommate and how adamant you are about having the sex noises reduced.

Since you find loud sex noises extremely frustrating, confronting them might be the best approach, even though it makes you uncomfortable. A huge part of self-care and setting boundaries is participating in conversations we may not want to. So first, take a deep breath and remember conversations like this are part of being an adult. After you have wrapped your mind around talking to your roommate, write down some points you want to hit on. This way you can compile your thoughts and organize exactly what you want to say. You can even practice talking about these with a trusted friend if it helps you.

Now, starting the conversation will be the hardest part. Make sure you are in a good mental state; do not have the conversation if you are already feeling on edge. It could lead to having an unproductive talk which is the last thing you want. My suggestion for bringing up the issue is leaning into the awkwardness. You could say something like “So this may be awkward, but I have noticed…” and then you can share what is bothering you.

Once the conversation has started, you can reference the points you have written down. Remember to stay on topic and try not to point out other issues you are having with your roommate because then nothing will get resolved.

During the conversation, it is important to acknowledge the other person’s side and have empathy, meaning you should recognize the house or apartment is also their space, and they should feel comfortable as well. Once the conversation starts to wind down, make sure you say something like “How can we work on this together so we are both happy?” That way, your roommate sees it as a collaborative effort.

Some examples of solutions include: having your roommate let you know if their partner is coming over so you can prepare or suggesting that your roommate stays over at their partner’s house sometimes (if that is possible). Another option is just reminding them to be a little quieter when they are home together.

If you feel strongly about not having a conversation with your roommate, there are some options you can take. You can purchase earplugs or noise-canceling headphones to help drown out the noise. This option is only a quick fix because you may still hear the loud noises. Another avenue you can take is finding new roommates for next year. Again, this is not ideal. However, if you do not feel comfortable with having a conversation with your current roommate, attempting to find new roommates that match your preferences better is a good option.

In the end, having a conversation with your roommate is the best approach, although it is an uncomfortable one. However, we always have to deal with tough situations that push us out of our comfort zone. These conversations will strengthen your relationship and will make you a stronger communicator for future issues. In the end you should feel safe in your home and taking the steps to do that is important!