I’m sure you’ve come across the saying “there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” Maybe it has been flung at you as fresh breakup tears were falling down your face, or perhaps you’ve heard it in some rom-com. Well, I have one thing to say: sScrew that phrase.
Even as a hopeless romantic, I do believe that connections can be created with multiple people. So sure, there are plenty of other fish in the sea…7 billion to be exact. My plight with sayings like this isn’t that they’re not true –– it’s that they condone the alarming obsession with romantic relationships within American culture. It’s deeply rooted in the movies, books, and music we consume. It’s almost as if we’re incomplete until we find our “other half.” When our friend’s relationship goes south, why do we resort to pointing out that there is someone else out there?
The obsession makes sense, as “twin flames” are filled with passion and security — but so are many other things.
Not long ago, I was catching up with a group of friends when the topic of love came up and a voice scratched the silence saying “Well, I’m happy. I’m dating blah.” Immediately I thought about how being single doesn’t automatically mean spending your time moping around. As someone who has experienced both sides of the coin, I can say that you can be both single and happy simultaneously. An obvious perk of being single is the independence to experiment as a young adult, but there is also a larger opportunity to put yourself first.
The practice of self-love fits anywhere. To love yourself when you’re totally alone, hooking up, in a committed relationship or anything in between should be a priority. But, when you’re alone, the social pressure to jump into a situationship tends to build until we forget the importance of dating ourselves too. This doesn’t have to look like your usual self-care tips of taking baths and lighting up candles. It can also look like committing yourself to doing things that help you to self-reflect, find joy, and grow into a person that your 80-year-old self will think of as “totally badass.”
Date Ideas
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Collect a pile of magazines and make a collage
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Wear some headphones and put on some groovy tunes while cleaning your room
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Grub on your favorite coffee order or takeout food next to a pretty view
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Start collecting something and visit places where you know you’ll find some gems
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Go to a concert alone and meet some people (I promise it’s not as scary as you think)
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Plan out a scenic drive with a special playlist
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Start going on regular walks during your favorite time of day
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Go on a bike ride, hike, or run
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Do something that brings out your inner child (ExX: fly a kite, rollerskate, word searches, coloring books)
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Read a book or listen to a podcast on while while lying down outside
All in all, romantic love is intricately beautiful. There’s nothing quite like it so there’s no wonder why humans are so deeply infatuated with it. This isn’t a manifesto calling for the downfall of romance, but one attempting to amplify the fact that we don’t need it to be our best selves. Every hole you wish to fill in your life doesn’t close up the minute you find someone who appreciates your existence—-it all stems from the relationship you have with yourself. Even though a partner can inspire self-love, so can experiencing other beautiful things like laughing a little too loudly with friends, working towards your dreams, dancing, feeding your body with delicious foods, going on adventures alone, embracing all your idiosyncrasies, finding new music, unlearning bad habits and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone every once in a while. I’m no dating expert, but I’ve realized that we often put so much love out into the world that we forget about ourselves. So be a little selfish. As you’re pouring your heart out into other people and experiences, remember that it’s okay to channel some of it into yourself in whatever way is best.
